Paper-Thin Walls

Dude, let's get the blog back together!

2011-07-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

My annual crippling nostalgia is kicking in early this year. If any of you ladies wander by to read the archives and want to start it back up, I'm all for it. So much to say.

2007-10-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

What's Up with That?

2005-07-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

What is up with this show? It is called Laguna Beach. Have any of you seen this show on MTV? Or am I the only loser watching this? I just can't figure out if it is real or fake? Is it like the Real World or is it real people in their real houses? And do these people really talk like that? I don't remember high school being like this one. These girls buy 600 dollar Dior shoes and just walk away like its nothing...its so weird. I think if any of you ever happen to catch an episode of this show, you should let me know what you think. I try not to watch it, but somehow my remote keeps flipping back to it and then I am sucked in!

In other news, I just got an ipod (a mini pink one) and it is so enjoyable.

Gee, now I feel better...

2005-07-20T07:52:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were discussing moving to a different neighborhood in Chicago. She mentioned an area that I was not familliar with, so I asked, "What's it like there?"

"Well, it's kind of an up and coming area. I mean, they have a Starbucks and everything so you would be totally fine there."

What? Hm? Now, we all know that white people only want to live next door, above, or in the basement of Starbucks, but come on dear! I don't even drink coffee.

But, it's so good to know that in the event of any crime, I could just hide behind the counter with the baristas and guzzle gigantic frothy drinks with 5,000 calories apiece.

You Better Shape Up

2005-07-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

One thing that might tempt me to move back to Indy is the food. Not the hot night life, but the snacks are what I'm after. I've been home for almost a week and have eaten almost every meal out because there are so many places I love and need to get my fill of in a 2 week period. Mmmmmmm...Bravo, Jimmy John's, Puccini's, Brew Pub, Don Pablo's.....I just haven't found anything out in Phoenix to replace them. And I'm just getting started!

On a completely different note, I watched Grease last night with my little sister Mary (9). PG my foot. There are so many references to sex in that movie that she'd have to be deaf and dumb not to pick up on that. But throughout the whole movie, at least Sandy's setting a good example for the ladies out there...until the end, when she whores it up and becomes a smoker to get with Danny. Hmm. Even a PG musical is laden with ideas I don't want floating around in Mary's head! But I still love some of the songs.

Tattoos

2005-07-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

First of all, I put a picture up, finally! I just wanted to write about yet another client. Yesterday I had the pleasure of dropping in on a client who doesn't have a phone (so they don't know when I am coming). And I knocked and went in and there was my client sitting there in a chair without a shirt. Don't worry the client is male, but mind you he is 450 pounds and has tattoos covering his whole upper body. These are not just designs, they are very detailed pictures. He has naked women in graphic positions, his wife's body (naked) and other such tattoos. I am not against tattoos by any means, in fact I have one myself. But when someone comes over to your house, who is court-ordered to work with you to get your kids back, you would think you would go into the other room and put on a shirt, but no, I had to ask this guy to put on a shirt. I told him that I understood it was his house, but it was a respect issue and since we have a professional relationship it would be better if he had a shirt on. He grudgingly put one on. To be honest, I would not have been able to talk to him had he just sat there in all of his tattooed glory! Hmmmmm wonder why I want to switch careers??

Summer Read

2005-07-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

After perusing Bookslut for a new reccomendations, I decided to settle on something in the "beach chair/easy summer read" category. As long as I am able to stay away from the grocery store titles, everything will be cool... (like those "M" is for Murder books with cat prints on the cover that my mother in law tries to get me to read).

I came across a review for Wifey, which interested me, because, like every average pre-menstrual young Catholic girl, I read Judy Blume and felt mature. I didn't think I'd have to put too much thought into this book, and even though I read it in about 3 hours (life, you ask?), it was actually pretty good and made me think- not about big important issues, necessarily- but about relationships, sex (there's a lot of that in here), and the evolution of the marital roles over time. Set in the late 60's and early 70's chauvinism, submissive wives, and double standards are all the rage.

Read it, you'll like it, and we'll all be happy.

Job Interviews

2005-07-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hey All, No one has posted in a long time, so here I go. As some of you may or may not know I am taking the real estate licensing class right now, so I am looking to change careers, which is scary in itself. I have an interview tomorrow with Remax and then next week with Tucker. My main point with this post is that interviews are nerve racking and should be outlawed! I understand they are a way for a company to get to know you, besides your resume, but I wish there was an easier way. Maybe its just me, but I get nervous and all worked up and then when I am done I rehash the whole thing and always think of better answers or other things I should have said. UGH!

Other then that not too much is new, I was just sick of seeing the same post on the blog. Oh yeah...my dog Juno goes to doggie daycare once in awhile when I have to work all day and then go to class (Paul is living in Bloomington all summer) and she got her pictures taken there (like school pictures) isn't that so funny?

Its not the heat, its the humidity

2005-06-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

I swear if I hear someone say that this summer I will cause them bodily harm. Weird opening. Well I am sitting in the upstairs of my very old and usually very cool farm house. I have the downstairs AC unit blasting for the first time and there is only a puny little unit in our room which does not cool the whole upstairs. I am not really bothered by the heat, its a part of summer, but was is annoying is when you get up, shower and head out the door for work, you start to sweat before you even see one person. I bet my clients and co-workers think I don't even shower cause by 10:00am my hair is up in the pony tail and I look all frumpy. Today for instance. I wore this cute skirt with a t-shirt. The skirt looked great until I spent an hour in my car driving and I got all sweaty and my skirt got all wrinkled. I don't think I am cut out for corporate America. I cannot imagine myself wearing a suit and all that and actually looking put together all day. How does those people do it? I know that since I am taking a real estate class and looking to do change careers I am going to have to step it up, but I swear my hair never looks smooth and my clothes always wrinkle. What will I do when I have clients who actually know how to shower and brush their hair and teeth?

Who's the Perpetrator?

2005-06-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I was riding my bike into my back alley to enter my building from our courtyard. Directly in front of my building entrance, a couple of teenagers were getting arrested by the fine Chicago Police. Nothing new here- happens a lot by our house. I was going about my business when a police officer came up to me and said, "Ma'm, would you care to know how to defend yourself against perpetrators, such as these men?" He motions over to the guys standing in handcuffs, who happen to be my neighbors. "Um," I say. The cop then grabs a ballpoint pen that is sticking out of my backpack pocket and uncaps it. "You see, Ma'm, with a device as simple as a ballpoint pen, you can maim or kill perpetrators such as these men." "Hm," I say. The cop proceeds to explain how I can gouge someone's eye out (apparently my perpetrating neighbors) or rip their cheek open if I just learn how to be aggressive with my Bic products. He ends the lecture by saying, "Keep a pen in your pocket at all times. You never know." I try not to make eye contact with anyone as I go in my gate.

Ok, backtrack: My neighbors are section 8 residents. They're already kind of suspicious of the people in our building, so why is this police officer making it worse? Although I didn't hardly say a word, I feel like the officer totally created a "me against them" situation that was totally unnecessary. Not only are the people that live across the alley pretty harmless, we've started becoming friendly (after 3 years!). Ugg. Most of my encounters with the police in Chicago have not been that great. This is a perfect example why.

Land of the Bizarre

2005-06-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

One thing that always perplexed me when I’d be out in Boston in the middle of the winter was the homeless people. WHY are you hanging around in this freezing cold misery? If you have no other commitments, why not start walking and migrate south? Turns out, they do. They come in droves to Phoenix and Tucson and hang out at parks. Not such a bad deal for them, really. Anyway, I was in Tucson over the weekend and heard some crazy stories about homeless people that live there and just bizarre people in general.
1. The Scary Guy. Yes, that’s really his name: he legally changed it. The Scary Guy is covered from head to toe with tatts and piercings and used to do a lot of drugs. Now, he has reformed and goes around to schools speaking out against doing drugs. Much more effective than the “this is your brain on drugs” commercials!
2. Penny Man. This guy has glued pennies that cover the surface of his car and also has a penny covered outfit. How fetching!
3. God (see above picture). That’s right, God…also a legal name change. God has a bar called the Meet Rack where all the ladies are given roses upon entering, free cigarettes are offered, you can be BRANDED and get 75 cents off drinks for life (what a steal!!!), and there are sex rooms in the back with gynecologist chairs. And best of all…if you buy a condom in the ladies’ room, bells and whistles and lights go off to let everybody know that you’re planning to get some. We tried to go on Sunday to see this place, but duh…God takes Sundays off. I did, however, get to see his parking space marked “God.” I wonder what kind of car God drives?
So if you’d like to meet these champs, come on down to Tucson, AZ, the Land of the Bizarre.

Bonna-freaking-roo

2005-06-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

We are back from the world of hippies and mud. Paul and I got back from Bonnaroo a couple hours ago. We missed the afternoon of shows today, but it was starting to rain for the 10th time and we were wiped out. Bonnaroo is an experience like no other. There are so many people it nuts. Here are the pictures I have up so far. We met up with Paul's friend Jeremy who works for Magic Hat (a brewer) and had a lot of free beer, so that was cool. Overall we had a great time and saw some great shows. I will post more about life when I have slept more then 3 hours!

Off to Bonnaroo

2005-06-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Ladies, Just wanted to let you know that Paul and I are leaving today for Bonnaroo. I will take a lot of pics and post them when I return. It should be a good time. A friend of ours from Vermont will be there so that will be nice if we can meet up with him. Have a great rest of the week and weekend!

It's Just That Jazzy

2005-06-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

A certian fashion item has been catching my eye all over the city lately- and it's prompting me to ask "why, people?" Yes, it's the tres chic fanny pack!

Let's discuss: Yes, the fanny pack may be handy, especially for men who don't want to go full on with the "man's bag" action, but you have alternatives!! Backpacks, for one, are a good thing. They may be larger than your fanny pack, but your hands are still free to tool all over the town in your nice all white tourist tennis shoes. (May I just add that a sun visor can truly make this fashion statement extra special).

Fashion Fanny Packs: I know Gucci, Coach, Louis Vuitton, etc, all make the logo-ized fanny pack and varying versions of this faux-pas, but come on now. Does it really give you more urban street cred to have a giant tool belt of personal items hanging around your waist? I think not.

Exception to the Rule: There is only one- Uncle Sammy. Some of you may know him, but he's easy to picture. He only wears swimming trunks -year round- and keeps some flip flops and a tshirt in his truck in the event that he might have to go in to a public place. Some of you may have seen the recent Xmas photo with my fam all wearing our holiday finest, and Uncle Sammy kickin it shirtless in some swimming trunks. Now, he has been known to sport the fanny pack because, well, he's sporty. He's an athlete, and I excuse the sporty fanny pack because it actually serves a purpose that is not exclusively dork-related.

That's the verdict. Ban the pack!

Braggin

2005-06-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I posted. Like a LONG while. I've been so busy with work and still am and am going to have to work the next two weekends for sure not to mention working 24 hours a day next week. BUT, I wanted to make a post to brag about my husband and all the beautiful stuff he's creating this semester in between majors. He's prob going from the architecture school to the MFA program at the Design Media Arts school at UCLA. its such a cool program. His prof created this programming language called Processing (Processing.org) that is for designers and artists to use and is supposed to be easier than real programming. He just won this major award for it at some festival for media art in austria. It's like the Cannes of media art apparently So here is john's page on the class website so you can see some of his projects from this semester all of which have yielded some beautiful artwork. (http://classes.design.ucla.edu/Spring05/152BC/projects/houck/)

He is doing an internship with Thom Mayne this summer at Morphosis this freaking cool architecture firm. Thom just won the Pritzker Prize for architecture which is like the highest honor so I'm very proud of my little johnners for doing so well this first year back in school. We switched spots, now im working and he's in school. i guess i owe him. haha. hope you are all well. Consider googling Morphosis and Thom Mayne to see what they are all about.

Judy Blume Grows Up and Gets Jewish

2005-05-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

Crossing California is by Chicago author Adam Langer and I LOVE this book. I am only halfway through, but it is a definite favorite. And yeah, the book reminds me of Judy Blume with sex, drugs, and rock and roll (it's 1979-80.) Read it!

P.S. - Shan's first picture post!

Shhh...

2005-05-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today my work moved offices to some nice new digs at the Chicago Fine Arts Building, 410 South Michigan Avenue. We pulled up on the side of the building with a U-Haul and 2 trucks packed full of stuff, planning to unload into a freight elevator in the alley. Plot twist: The entrance to the alley was blocked by a car, blocking in several service trucks, and keeping us from moving in. So, I hop out of the truck to ask some heating/air conditioning guys if they know whose car it is. They had been hanging out for quite some time trying to figure out what to do, as they were blocked in the alley. Finally, one guy goes in this building- The Chicago Club- to find out if they know what's up. A few minutes later, he comes out and tells me that Secret Service is parked in the alley in order to secure the Club building for a "high level government figure." Ok, Secret Service. My boss and coworkers are all panicking because we have to move in by a certian time and there is a lot to do. We stand there mulling over what to do when 2 men in suits come out of the building and head towards the car. I decided to run over and flag them down. They basically ignored me, and got in the car. I knocked on the window, and the driver rolled it down.
"Ma'am, may I help you?" (peering at me, with ear wire in place)

"I need to get these cars down the alley, etc. etc...."

"Ok. Here is the procedure. You pull the vehicles into the alley. You unload your vehicles. You be out by 4:30 or I can't promise you will get out of the alley tonight." (roll up window, drive away without cracking a smile)

Right. Just what I was expecting today- wrangling with Secret Service in a dark alley. Thank goodness I "got out" in time!

Nothing Much

2005-05-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to post about, but I was sick of looking at my other post. First of all I want to extend an invite to all on this blog, their friends, and the boys over at 1.21 to come to our house on Saturday May 28th for a party. We have a fire pit and I am sure Paul will set off fireworks again like last summer (or maybe we shouldn't let him). And we definitely will not be letting Paul and Teddy start the fire (the grass is still yellow around the fire pit!) Anyway, I thought that might be a weekend when more of you are in the Indy area. Let me know.

On another note, I have a new client who insists in tape recording our time at her house. She is CRAZY. She told me that if I come to her house during the hours of 1-2 pm she will not let me in, but other than that she is free. How the hell are you supposed to help someone like that get their kids back?? I just don't think its possible. I am having my supervisor come out and meet her today, because I have no clue what to do.

Ok, so not a great post, but better than looking at the same post for a week!

Water Safety

2005-05-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today on the Indy Star online there is an article about water safety. And I got to thinking about a certain outing at Eagle Creek involving pontoon boats. I seem to remember a lot of drinking, some other frowned upon activities and some people (who might or might not be members of this blog) jumping in the water. It was a funny day for those of you who were not there. Picture two pontoon boats filled with unruly twenty-something people drinking and basically breaking all of the rules. As we were enjoying ourselves, some park patrol people came up in a boat and informed us we could not swim and we needed a life jacket for each person. The details are hazy after that, but I think we were a prime example of what not to do when at Eagle Creek.

In other news, I sat through the IU graduation on Saturday (my brother graduated)....wow, that was exciting. The best part was that the students bounced beach balls around Assembly Hall during the speeches untill they got taken away, when they all booed. And I have to sit through it again next year when Paul graduates from Grad school. Can't Wait!

Chain Gang

2005-05-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

I saw an actual chain gang this morning on my way to work. Let me tell you, Arizona has a funky way of treating their incarcerated citizens. A few weeks ago, they transferred some prisoners from one prison to another and made them all wear pink boxers. And now today the chain gang I saw had the black and white striped get-ups on; I thought those were only for the movies! They even had these signs on the road that said "Sheriff's Chain Gang At Work...Slow Down!" Yeah, slow right on down so they can sneak into your car at a stoplight. Just kidding...after all, they've got those chains holding them back.

Prioritaire

2005-05-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hey ladies and gentlemen. I made a little website that is a collection of letters used to tell a story. I'm trying to correct typos but youll get the gist. Check it out!
It's called: Prioritaire.

Bad Girl

2005-04-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

I acted a fool this weekend at a "work party." Now I'm dying with shame and trying to recover.

Let me set the scene: I basically work with 2 people. One person I am in the office with every day, the other I see a couple times a week. 'Co-Worker,' as he will now be called, had a nice dinner for me, husband, boss, and 2 part time co workers and a gfriend. We were being all civilized and drinking wine while listening to records and chatting over the European cheeze platter.

What did I do? Get super drunk and act like that obnoxious co worker that no one wants to approach. I feel like Elaine from Seinfeld doing the horrible dance at the office party...and no one will tell her that it's gimpy! I started out the eve by downing a couple of glasses and then crying while 'c0-worker' was nice enough to toast me for a job well done at work. Cried in drunkenness. Then, as the evening wore on, I dumped a bottle of wine on the table, sloshed my bevs all over the floor (someone literally followed me around with a towel), danced to the same Temptations record 3 times even though people kept asking me to turn it off (no one else was really a fan), pulled an Alison and became obsessed with co worker's cats and would not leave them alone, convinced co-worker to roll up the rug and balroom dance with me (not a fan), and ended up crawling into co-worker's bed (faux pas, anyone?) to snooze while the party went on.

Then, when I woke up, I was convinced that I was so drunk that I couldn't see correctly anymore. I had actually lost a contact lens, but I was not coherent enough to know that at the time. So, I panicked and told Matt that I wanted to leave the party because I had no idea what I would do next and I didn't want to act any worse. So, we made a nice exit, me propped up on Matt's arm, squinting and slurring, saying goodbyes to all the normal people, then slinking out of the house in shame.

Argh! I hate it when no one else is as drunk as you are! I always get paranoid that people are looking at me funny and I freak out and try to hide in weird places, like a co worker's bedroom.

Sigh. Looking forward to Monday.

I'm Sorry, but Skorts Really are Not So Cool

2005-04-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

Bear with me. It’s Friday and I don’t have a lot to do until quittin’ time. This may be long and pointless. Since I am a MENTAL GIANT, I decided make a list of a few things that have been bothering me since yesterday when I was driving through the rolling, burnt-down trailer littered hills of southern Indiana (it really was a beautiful drive, but the meth labs are ooc).

1.While driving the company car through said country hills (a Crown Victoria, natch), I had nothing to listen to but the radio, and this means nothing to listen to but country and Jesus chat…this came to a head when I heard a country song with the lyrics “We’re always lookin’ for love and somethin’ to please us/We either find it with drugs or with Jesus.” Hmm, kind thought there were other things along that spectrum, but maybe not. Good or bad; black or white. I think that’s kind of my problem with country music. It’s all so cut and dried and the lyrics are eerily straightforward. You either have the badass “boot in your ass guy” or the loving family man who wants to sing about the troops, his tractor and how he’s going to be a better husband and father. I’m waaay overgeneralizing (not a word, I know) here and I don’t know what I’m talking because I don’t really actually listen to the whole songs, just snippets as I’m scrolling up and down the dial. That’s my real point, actually. I’m just saying that’s what most of the country songs seem to be about to me.

Anyway, my ma point is that all that scrolling in broadcast wasteland makes you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot when you find a station that’s not playing country or Billy Graham. So there I was listening to and perhaps even enjoying, given the circumstances “Hanging by a Moment” by Lifehouse (desperate times call for desperate measures). Just as the song was wrapping up, I moved it on up to the next station and heard the end of White Lion’s “Wait.” Don’t you hate that? You’re listening to a pseudo lame song on the radio because you think there’s nothing else, but then you switch it up only to find you’ve missed one of the most rockinest tunes you forgot existed. In that case, ignorance truly is bliss. I’d rather not know I sat through some Marcy Playground song only to just barely miss some Fine Young Cannibals.

2.It was also not awesome when, on the phone the other day, my stepmom asked me if I wanted a pair of plaid skorts she just wasn’t ever going to wear. PEOPLE THAT ARE RELATED TO ME SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER. I think even some random person who just clicked on this blog for the first time and will never come back would probably be able to go 70-30 that I’m not a fan of skorts(!) or even worse, red plaid skorts meant for the golf course. SEMIRELATED:For some reason, this chick named Taffy has a site dedicated to the vile things.

See? Now typing that I feel sort of bitchy. There are countries where young women go without skorts, never knowing the style and freedom some pleated miniskirt/short combo could bring. I’m a spoiled brat! I thanked her for the offer but politely turned it down. How do you let someone know they’re so misguided without being rude in a situation like this…especially since you want to laugh/sob at the thought of your parents actually being able to conjure up images of you gallivanting around in some kicky skorts, a pair of denim Keds and maybe one of those jaunty Blossom hats. Damn, my life isn’t a Kotex commercial from 1992!

3.The word “whilst” kind of bugs me. At first, I saw it around here or there, charming its way around modern vernacular with its less popular buddies “mayhap” and “shant.” I thought, “How cute. Ne’er do wells across this great land are engaging in a little harmless vocabulary tomfoolery.” But the tomfoolery escalated into shenanigans and then reached critical mass at rabblerousing. Why does everyone think it’s so cool to use “whilst” all of the sudden? I know vintage décor and fashion could come into style, like say the mid century modern craze or the 70s boho look, but plucking an old-timey word from obscurity is a new one on me. I wonder if they’ll soon have T-shirts at Hot Topic that say things like: “Whilst on vacation at the dunes, all my grandma got me was this stupid T-shirt.”

Sometimes the Snow Comes Down in June (or late April)

2005-04-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what the hell, weather? It's almost May and the Midwest getstons of snow dumped on its wide ass? And now it’s supposed to rain every day from here until Memorial Day? Chork!

Anyway, so I was sitting home alone watching TV last Friday night (shut up!) and I got lured into watching one of those boxed-set CD infomercials. Anyone remember my post on the old Prox about Monsta Jamz?

Well, at first I thought this was another damn Proactiv commercial because I saw Vanessa L. Williams pop up in a room full of soothing, earth-toned overstuffed furniture and flickering candles. I think the camera had an entire jar of Vaseline smeared on it to give ‘Nessa that special senior portrait glow (seriously, if she uses the Proactiv, does she really need that mess?). I was about to change the channel because I just couldn’t stomach a night home alone watching P. Diddy chat with Vanessa Williams about how he wouldn’t be the “superstar mogul” he is today with his horrible, terrible acne. In case you didn’t know, Diddy one of Proactiv’s new spokespeople.

But then this other lady scooted out and snuggled up to Vanessa on the couch and the songs started rolling up the screen. I was hooked, eyes glazed, mouth agape and drooling over this musical compliation known as the Ultimate Love Songs collection from, who else, the good people at Time Life.

Man, I want this CD. These songs are so cheesy good––“You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago, “Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx, “Can’t Fight this Feeling” by REO Speedwagon, “These Dreams” by Heart––that song alone conjures up memories of cruising around with my mom in her brown 86 Toyota Celica. I really, really want this five-volume set to enjoy and appreciate in a completely earnest, irony-free way. Listening to Whitney Houston sing “The Greatest Love” (aww, remember when she wasn’t all cracked out?) brought back more than just memories of me knowing every word to that song and singing it at the top of my lungs on the way home from tap class. I’m not ashamed to say it might have yanked out some tears––the fact that I was sitting home alone a few glasses into a bottle of wine probably didn’t hurt either; let’s be honest.

But come on, guys! This CD is so cool! For everyone that lived in the dorms with me in college, I know you were wondering and yes it does, in fact, boast the Celine Dion hit “The Power of Love.”

The one sad meta moment came when I saw “The Best for Last” scroll by. Vanessa Williams is on the CD and she’s hosting the late-night infomercial. What happened to her career? I guess it’s a slippery slope from Radio Shack to Cher Station. Guess she didn't save the best for last.

Kiss the ring and watch my damn show!

2005-04-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Upon hearing news reports that Oprah and Steadman are finally maybe calling it ovah, my suspicion-o-meter starting pinging. Hmm, why did they break it off right now? Could it be Oprah wants to be single so she doesn't miss out on her once-in-a-lifetime chance to become Poprah Winfrey? Forget president, I can see it now. She relocates from the tip top of the Water Tower in Chicago to the Vatican, where she hosts her show for the entire tiny city. Her new book club top pick? The Bible, of course. Poprah's Favorite Things? Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. Oh yeah, and these super cool X-treme Jesus T-shirts, because nothing expresses the love Christianity is supposed to embody better than wearing a hoodie embalzoned with the phrase "My God can kick your god's butt."

I'd say we're all going to hell in a handbasket, but sometimes I think we're already there.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a question. Am I the only person who feels compelled to chain chew a pack of gum? It's like whenever I get my hands on a Plen-T-Pak, you can rest assured I'll have all 17 sticks in my mouth in a few hours. Doesn't a pack of gum last most normal people a week or something? Just wondering.

Friday Five

2005-04-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am home today to do all of the paperwork I have been putting off for a week. Basically I had a crappy week, so I decided to make the Friday Five about the five reasons why I love Friday, should be pretty easy.

1. The most obvious reason, it is the end of the work week
2. It feels like 2 days; 1 day is a work day and the other is when you go out and it feels like a weekend day
3. You know you have three nights until the dreaded Monday
4. If you have a job like mine and you have worked 40 hours in 4 days, it can be a day off!
5. And lastly, for most jobs every other Friday is a payday and nothing bad can come of that.

And that's it!

Tell Me Once Again, Who's Bad?

2005-04-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

Now, I haven’t been paying too much attention to the Michael Jackson trial and accompanying media circus, but as a mild and lazy headline writer myself, I noticed the glaring lack of awesome and puntasic headlines in relation to the trial. I mean, when a guy on trial for child molestation has song titles like ‘Dangerous,’ ‘Smooth Criminal’ and ‘Pretty Young Thing’ (heh), don’t you think we’d see some inspired headlines splashed across the tabloids? And when E! is broadcasting daily dramatizations of trial proceedings complete with an MJ impersonator, I don’t anyone can play the ‘respect for a fallen idol’ card. Let’s face it. Even though ’Wacko Jacko’ is pretty damn disrespectful, it’s also totally played and not even that original in the first place (Ooooh it rhymes!). It’s time for some new eyecatchers.

It’s not hard, copy editors! MJ’s entire catalog is ripe for the picking. I came up with these in about five minutes, so I’m sure these can be easily improved upon by anyone slightly clever:
Felony Complaint shows Neverland Guests ‘Wanna be Startin’ Something’
‘Remember the Time’ Jackson was creepily obsessed with Maculay Culkin?
‘Dirty Diana’ Ross Expected to Testify Next Week
Neverland Ranch raided; Stacks of pornography found ‘In the Closet’
Jackson Claims He and Children ‘Just Good Friends’
Jackson to Underage Neverland Guests: “’Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough’ Jesus Juice”
‘Do You Remember the Time’ Jackson Faced Similar Charges in 93?
Jackson’s Tendencies All Part of ‘Human Nature’ Says Attorney
Accuser to Jackson: ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ is Totally Inappropriate
Jackson’s Huge Pornography Collection Taken ‘Off the Wall,’ Used as Evidence in Criminal Trial
Jackson to media: ‘Leave Me Alone’

You know there are endless possibilities with ‘Beat It,’ but I’m not going to even go there.

Related: Bid on the rare Michael Jackson Boy Scouts of America poster pictured above here. (Link and image via All Things Christie.)

U Can't Touch This

2005-04-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

One of the funnier things I've seen on the Net (starring Sandra Bullock):

But be sure to check out the whole site, Pictures of Walls, a gallery devoted to graffiti found and photographed all over the world. (via All Things Christie)

A Chill in the Air...

2005-04-07T06:26:00.000-07:00

Despite having a crush on a guy in college who had this follecular monstrosity (who, by the way, totally turned out to be gay), I am SO GLAD the frosty tips are over.
Sitting through this:

To look like this...

is never worth it, not matter how cool you thought Mark McGrath was in the late 90s.

Speaking of Marky Mark and the Sugary bunch, in a way doesn't he kind of remind you of Hootie and the Blowfish? I think everyone referred to frontman Darius Rucker as Hootie, and I know I always thought McGrath was really named Sugar Ray. In the end I guess it doesn't matter because Hootie's really made a name for himself in a lovely Burger King commercial and Mark is smarming it up on EXTRA.

On a completley unrelated note, has anyone had the Rold Gold Honey Wheat pretzels? To die for!

I know I always talk about this, but.....

2005-04-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I always blog about my job, but damn its an interesting one. I have a new client who I met yesterday for the first time. I knocked on the door and said, "Is Suton home?" (pronounced Sut-ton) and he said, "my name is pronounced Su-ton" (rhymes with futon). MMMMMmmmm interesting name. Now, you should see this kid and I use the term "kid" lightly. He is at least 6 feet 4 and roughly the size of a football player with a lot of muscles. He also sports tattoos all over both arms and gold teeth on the top and bottom. Awesome.

Anyway, part of our intake paperwork is to ask them why they are involved with the system (yes, we have paperwork on them, but sometimes their answers are very different from the police reports.) So, I merrily ask him to tell me in his own words why he is on probation. He states and I quote, "My mom cut off my bracelet (the house arrest bracelet) so that I could leave the house, then I was riding in this car (stolen) and I was smoking a blunt and some cop decided to hassle me even though I wasn't doing anything." So, I then tell him that I read in the report he was smoking a blunt and tried to eat it when the cops came up. He said, "Yep, look at my tongue." It was all there except for a hole on the side where the blunt had apparently burned him and left a mark!

Wow, what is one to do with someone like this? He has been on probation since he was 10 and he is almost 17! His probation officer told me, "The youth's favorite activities are to steal cars and smoke marijuana" Well at least he keeps himself busy....

She's 25 and still sassy as ever...

2005-04-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to remind all y'all at PTW that it's the matriarch of this blog's birthday today.

So let's raise our plastic solo cups of office water to the funniest woodland creature we know. Much love to you, Alison. Hope you're having a great day.

Ignore my sanity for the last time

2005-03-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

That's my emo-fied name, don't wear it out! (via The Thighmaster)

Surprisingly, Teddy's emoniker is Bleed my revenge as revenge, not the previoulsy suspected Seven inches to pain.

Singles Schmingles

2005-03-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

Raise your hand if you've seen Singles. Seeing as how this movie came out when I was in middle school, I didn't really care about the lives of a bunch of twentysomethings because I was too worried about the pegs coming out of my jeans or obsessing over how much food was stuck in my braces. Just recently, however, I watched the movie, thinking I would really be able to relate to these people trying to puzzle their post-collegiate lives together. As Leah noted in her post below, I also just finished reading Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. In one chapter, he touches on Singles, noting how old and mature Kyra Sedgewick, Bridget Fonda and Campbell Scott act for supposedly moronic early twentysomethings. He expands, explaining he and his peers first saw the movie when in came out in 1992. Klosterman and crew were all in college and the story seemed like a logical mark up of what they could expect once they got out of school. Upon reviewing the movie a few years later when he was supposedly in the characters' same shoes, he found the thought of dealing with crazy dating services, pregnancy and even having your own garage-door opener implausible.

Ahh, reading that made me feel so much better.

I just saw this movie as a twentysomething for the first time, and my main challenges are collecting furnture that didn't come from my parents' basement--or even worse a street corner--and trying to eek a few more years out of my loud and long-suffering car. Garage door opener? Please. I won't even spring for a reserved spot in a carport. That money's earmarked for grad school loan payments and highly impractical shirts I don't need to buy because I can't wear them into the office. While the movie was entertaining and Cameron Crowe certainly doesn't disappoint with the music (dated but still not bad), I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who couldn't relate.

Geez, as I'm writing this, one of the field reps just came into my office and pulled my ponytail (as he tries to do on a semi regular basis). It makes me want to elbow him in the nose! Yeah, I know he resents the fact I was still in high school when he started working here, but does he have to make me feel anymore infantile? And the people here wonder why I keep on chopping off my hair! No wonder I can't relate to this damn movie.

New Blog?

2005-03-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

I love looking at Alison's media choices over on the side bar. I love rogue wave...(any chance you could send me some mp3s on gmail ali???) AND i have been wanting to read Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs for a while... actually ive been wanting ot read ANYTHING for a while but haven't had the time/energy.

SO---I wonder if we should start a new blog that is all about what we're Reading, Listening, and Looking at. Anyone interested? We could just post the music were liking this week, the media (be it books mags, blogs, etc) that were reading this week and the movies or shows that we're watching. It would be nice to only have to post once a week b/c i think it's getting hard for all of us to blog..too busy etc and not sure what to write about.

Is anyone interested in that? If so, we should have a naming session.

Hope your mondays are going smoothly.

Why the Long Face?

2005-03-24T11:59:00.001-08:00

This site I Hate Horses cracks me up.
Does anyone remember the girls in grade school that were all obsessed with horses and had Lisa Frank folders with scary uicorns and drew horses all day? I was a weird kid, but those girls were really messed up.

Come to think of it, Lisa Frank was pretty messed up anyway.
Exhibit A:

and B:

Look at those junkie cheerleader eyes! No wonder so many kids are on drugs these days.

That's it. I rest my case.

I'm Back like Scoliosis

2005-03-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

Hello again! I haven’t been blogging in a while because of all of the busy/apathy/lack of inspiration in my life. I do, however, feel like a saint because I was just wrapping up a post when fucking Safari quit on me like it does a million times a day (if you were planning to comment and tell me to get Firefox, shut it). Anyway, all was lost and I got right back on to recreate some posting magic.

I still don’t have much to say, and I can’t think of anything better, so here are pictures of famous people I think look alike. Nothing too groundbreaking Welcome to Two for Wednesday:

How much does Crispin Glover (aka George McFly)

look like Interpol’s Carlos D?

Ehh, ehh? I think so!

Ok, how about Kirsten Dunst

…and Dominique Swain?

Not bad. Here’s a not so interesting fact:
Dominique’s lookalike sister Chelse played one of Lisbon sisters in The Virgin Suicides, starring Kirsten Dunst. Here’s a picture of them:

(Chelse is on the right.)

On another note, bow funny would it be if Kirsten Dunst married Fred Durst and they changed their last name to Durnst?

Oh man, I looked it up on Google and it looks like someone else had the same idea:

Need a Song

2005-03-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

Hey girls and Boys:

I need a rap or hip hop song (past or present) thats about New York City. My fav is Rakim "New York" that was on the boiler room soundtrack...but if you can think of anything else I'd love suggestions.

You all rule.

The Last to Know

2005-03-14T14:41:00.003-08:00

What's Rockin' My World Right Now:
3) I discovered a cure for the allergies that have been driving me crazy, despite what everyone says about Arizona's dry heat being great for allergies. And that cure is...bee pollen! Random, I know (and nasty as hell to chew, so i just swallow it up), but it works. Anything not to have to stuff my purse with a bunch of tissues every time I leave the house like a grandma.
2) All of the citrus trees are blooming so it smells so damn good outside (except for when I'm driving by the sewage treatment plant...that's a whole different story).
1) I'm on spring break! Yay for the college schedule...Natasha gets here in a couple hours for some fun in the sun.
And related to #1...I'm watching TRL for the first time in months, and Lindsay Lohan's craptastic video is on. I'd heard it sucks, but man...where are her friends to tell her she's embarrassing herself? "Don't wanna be the last to know"...how deep. Too bad that you're gonna be the last to know that you CAN'T SING!

Steph, I'm Here for You...

2005-03-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

But guess what? I really have nothing exciting to write about. Let me see what I can conjure up...

Other people's weddings have taken over my life. It seems like someone flipped a switch (starting with you, Stephanie- thanks a lot!) and now I get a wedding invite in the mail every couple of months. Fun, you say? Not so much. (You might be thinking- "Hey, Shan recently tied the knot with Matt. Doesn't the biattch like weddings?" Well, if you actually talked to me during the phase in which I planned Susie Coogan's dream wedding, I was not jazzed nor in love with the whole process. Got swept up in the free buttercream-frosted cake tastings and didn't know when to stop). I recently had to turn down a relation's reception, but it was made all the sweeter and easier because the invitation was encrusted with shimmery sea shells and sea horses. Need I say more? (By the way, a great way to get through a wedding where the decor is influenced by things such as sea horses and Disney characters: mentally rip on everything the whole night. Or, if you're feeling ballsy, find a friend, camp out at the bar, and let the nastiness fly.) Number of Guests: 0. The other obstacle popping up on my wedding-hate radar: The destination wedding. I love the bride and groom to be, but c'mon y'all, I don't have the funds!! Thanks for dangling an all inclusive/expensive trip to Mexico in front of ma face!Now I feel as if my gift has to be extra nice. Number of Guests: 0.

Weird neighbors plaque me to no end. Mike and I had a convo about this the other night. The idiots who don't know how to read the name on the buzzer and continually ring mine until I let them in. If I say over the intercom, "Hallooo!", you could at least respond. Don't keep ringing the buzzer repeatedly until I let you in (this includes the 3am drunk buzzer). Also, currently building up enormous amounts of hate for college age male neighbors who have decided to chisel away - with real tools- at the old, beautiful tile surrounding our mail boxes because he lost his key. The dude is now able to get his mail, but man, is he a dumbass. I respond by giving him dirty looks as I retrieve my mail with my KEY.
People who are still trying to convince me that Wisconsin is cool. Friends, we've covered this. Cheese aside, I am not a fan. You're very perceptive if you pick up on the fact that this makes me cranky.

Where Are You?

2005-03-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hi Ladies, I posted last Sunday and that was the last post! Where are you all? I know you have fun and interesting things to say!

I have a little tidbit of info to blog about. Last Thursday I was at a clients house in Haughville (the area a little west and south of IUPUI) when I got up to leave and I noticed that my car was surrounded by police vehicles. Being brave or crazy I headed out the door with my client in tow to see what was going on. Apparently, the house next door to them was a known crack house/prostitution house. MMMMmmmm, lovely. I then talked to one of the police officers explaining my car was blocked in and could he please tell me when I might be able to move my car. He replied, "When we get done" Oh, so helpful Mr. Policeman. So, I headed back in to my clients house, having no where else to go, and played a couple rounds of Uno with him. Does anyone know why I do this job, cause I am really starting to question my sanity.

Ok, there is my post! Someone else better post by next Sunday or else!

Not so young anymore...

2005-03-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday I turned 25. I feel older. No, I am not going to start eating dinner at 4:30pm and going to bed at 8pm, but I do feel that 25 is a bit older sounding. Anyway, Saturday night I went out on the town for a girl's night out with some friends. We got all ready, ate some tasty Qdoba and then began the drinking. I had many drinks over the course of the evening. I started with some mixed drinks at my friend's apartment, then some martinis at a bar. Then we took a cab into Broadripple, where I had a few beers and a shot! Somewhere along the evening I also smoked some cigarettes, something I really never do, but I was a little drunk at this point. Finally around 4am we made it back to my friends house and went to sleep on the couches, floor, and for me the blow-up mattress. I also talked to my brother-in-law Peter at about 3:30 in the morning according to my cell phone, although I do not remember the conversation. Then morning hit. UGH I sounded like an old man from my smoking and yelling and I felt like dog poo. I am seriously getting too old for that kind of night. I had a ton of fun, but man it is going to take me a couple days to fully recover. So, don't post any comments about how 25 isn't old, because I know that, but damn it is getting harder and harder to stay up almost all night and drink a lot. I know someone out there can feel my pain, which I am still feeling. I can't wait to go to bed and sleep it off!

Uganda

2005-03-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

Think back to what you were doing when you were 19. I think most of us would have to admit that it didn't have much to do with anything other than hanging out with friends and scooting by through college. And this is why I was so impressed by three 19 year old guys from California who decided to go to Uganda and shoot a documentary on what was happening to the people there, particularly the children. If you're not too familiar with it (I wasn't really), children in Uganda are being abducted in the middle of the night by the Lords Resistance Army (LRA). They are forced to join the ranks and brutalize their own families and tribe.

So, the guys are back from Uganda now and travelling around showing their not-quite-finished film. I saw it at ASU Monday night, and it really blew me away. Every now and I again I need something to put my life in perspective, something to make me realize how ridiculous I am for complaining about having to get up early or sitting through 6 hours of class. And this movie did it, that's for sure. The guys are going back to Uganda in a couple of weeks to try and interview both the president of Uganda and the leader of the LRA to put their perspectives into the film, and then they'll edit the film and it's going to be released this Christmas. But don't fret...you don't have to wait that long to see it. You can order your very own copy of the DVD www.invisiblechildren.com. And I really hope you do! Order yourself a copy, show it to as many people as you can, raise some awareness of the issue (and some money!). The guy who was there talking to us about the film equated not doing anything to knowing what was going on in Nazi Germany but opting not to help...once you see the film for yourself, I think you'll agree.

Another interesting tidbit...this is going to be the next bracelet campaign! Target, Starbucks, and Urban Outfitters have agreed to carry beaded bracelets with the name "Tony" on them. Tony is one of the kids they interviewed in the film, and they have footage of him asking one of the filmmakers not to forget about him. Of course they promised not to, and now who knows how many people will end up sporting a bracelet with his name on it...it's crazy how things work out!

My cat can be a real douchebag

2005-02-25T06:19:00.000-08:00

How hilarious is that snap above? Oh, not very? It's just me then I guess. Here's the story. I have to go out of town for a few days next week, and I'm neurotic, so I worry about leaving the cats at home alone to starve (both literally and emotionally) and die of dehydration. I mostly wory about the latter because Harvey (that's DJ Fancy Feast to you) likes to dump the water bowl over the second he sees it, leaving a lake in the kitchen and bone dry bowls. So yesterday went to the pet store and got this self watering thing called PETZAZZ that looks like a water cooler for animls. Sweet, I thought, not only will this be too heavy for Harvey to knock over, he and Otis can meet up next to it and discuss the lastest episode of The Apprentice or some shit.

As soon as I got home, I lovingly filled it with filtered water and set it on the floor. Sure enough, Harvey padded straight over and tried to knock the tank off the top. I had a great time laughing at his frustration. BUT then he just stuck his paws into the bowl part and started flicking scoops of water all over the kitchen. He thought it was great because as soon as the bowl started to empty, more water would rush down out of the tank and he could just do the running man in the water to his heart's content, drenching the entire kitchen. Poor Otis started drinking the standing water that collected in his food bowl. I wonder if he was thinking, "Mmm, ocean fresh salmon flavored!"

Harvey is such a bastard.

TGI Friday Five!

2005-02-25T05:54:00.000-08:00

Take a look around, you're probably at work and have loads of assorted crap strewn across your desk and floor...ok, maybe that's just me. I'm pretty sick of looking at it every day and thinking about how I should clean it up so everyone who walks by my office stops giving me that little raised-eyebrow glance, thinking. "Uh huuuh, I see she still has those newspapers thrown all over the floor. Is she secretly housbreaking a puppy in there?" Well fuck that. Let's all dig deeper into that pile of crap on our desks, shall we? And if you're all cozy at home in your pjs or having some nice coffee in a wireless hotspot and not chained to your desk, don't even reply because I'm mad at you and we're not speaking.

Answer these five for me today. Please!

Who knows the evils that lurk in the heart of your cube/office/desk?
1. Pick up the closest piece of paper. What does the third line down say? "get new menu from banquet center" Mine was a to-do list. I'm trying to plan a menu for an event my office is having in a few months, and the woman at the center is such a jackass; she's even more inept at her job than I am at mine, and that's making me look bad. All I need her to do is send me a damn menu. I've been calling her for three weeks about this, and she just can't seem to master e-mail or a fax machine.

2. How many writing utensils do you have within arm's reach? I have a big mug full of pens, pencils, markers. Let's see...16

3. Do you have a photo on your desk? What is the subject?I have a picture of Mike in front of CBGB's. It's a swell picture, but sometimes I look at it and think about how he kind of looks like Dave Eggers in it, and that kind of annoys me.

4. What about books? Any of those?I have some saucy, provocative stuff here....The AP Stylebook and Libel Manual, the Yellow Pages, the 2005 Indiana Electric Cooperative Directory, Webster's Dictionary. Yeah, don't cross me, or I might have to, uh....look stuff up on yo' sorry ass.

5. What's the most unusual thing on your desk that best defines you as a person?My damn cat-a-day calendar, bitches!

Ideal World

2005-02-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

In my ideal world the work week would be three days long or you would only work from 10am to 3pm leaving plenty of time for sleep, exercise, and spending time with friends and family. I am having one of those days where you just want a different job. Wouldn't it be great to only work from 10am to 3pm everyday. I would sleep in, work out, and then go to work. After work I would run errands and then hang out with Paul (actually have dinner together). I feel like we have a long distance relationship even though we live in the same house, that's how much we talk on the phone! I think everyone should be able to live in their ideal world at some point in their life. What would your ideal world be like?

What's Going on up There?

2005-02-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'm a huuuuuuuuuge dork and I love it! One of my classes this semester is about how the brain works, learns, breaks down, etc....all that neuroscience jazz. And it's my favorite! I'm so into it, I even love reading the textbook. I've also started renting out the audiotapes my professor has of the various brain conferences she goes to so I can listen and learn on my now 30 min. long commute to school and work. The brain is fascinating, what can I say?!

Anyway...you may not feel quite as strongly as I do about the brain, but if you're somewhat interested, Inside the Brain is an amazing book that really lays it on the line for you. And it's written for a general audience, so the author (he's actually a journalist) doesn't get too science-y on you. It's a very easy read, and if I may be so bold, a bit of a page-turner. Happy reading and learning!

Knowing is Half the Battle

2005-02-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

More than anything right now, I am bitter. Damn, stupid, ugly flu virus has kept me down for the count for about 10 days and totally out of commission for a total of three....and it's sunny and gorgeous outside!! Ugh, but rest assured, after two days of chillin' out max on the couch, I am fully up to date on how Ashlee, Nick and Jessica, Lindsay, and the rest of the Hollywood crew are doing.

However, all of this free time has got me a thinkin'. That and an interesting belated Christmas gift from Sean, the ex. How do you know when someone else truly knows you? Is it when your boyf gives up the remote on Sunday morn so you can catch up on E!? Or when a friend selects the perfect outfit and says it would look better on you?

In my mind, two things stand out:

1. When anyone can recommend a band or group that I would like is clutch.

2. If a fella can pick out a fantastic piece of jewelry (and I don't mean diamonds necessarily).

Of course there are more, but those two were my initial thoughts. How 'bout you?

Dude, don't bogart the Friday Five

2005-02-18T11:46:00.000-08:00

Forgive me if this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’m just now crashing hard from a sugar high. See, I brought these dark chocolate mint candy things in today (they’re called After Eights). I was going to give them to this guy down the hall I need to interview because he won’t do the interview unless I bring him presents. Not even kidding. Well he isn’t here today, so I busted them out for lunch. I got the After Eights in my Christmas stocking, and seeing that they are dark chocolate, I thought they’d be grody to the max. Boy was I wrong. They’re SO AWESOME!!! Haha, I’m so glad Greedy didn’t come to work today! They’re like junior mints only super duper flat. I think I’ve eaten about 26 of them and I have a raging headache to prove it.

ANYWAY I had help out at a career day presentation at a way rural high school yesterday and I really didn’t enjoy getting the moves put on me by some acne-riddled Carhart-wearing, confederate flag waving FFA teens, but you know, them’s the breaks. Seriously, if I go out of my office and into the “community” I either get inappropriate remarks or chastised for not being married and great with child at the ripe old age of 24. It hit a low when I went to profile one of the guys at the plant and he told me he was so excited that I was coming, he put on clean underwear just for the occasion. Aww, now how’s that for appreciation? Send my performance bonus back, I don’t need it with feedback like this!

Days like these make me truly appreciate what I have. And I know, I know, Valentine’s day was waaay back on Monday, but my Friday Five goes out Ole Macky.

The Top 5 Reasons it’s Great to Date an Ex-Hippie

That’s right, my fella was once a full-on Phish tape collecting, patchouli stinking, Bonnaroo attending friend of Jerry. And I love him for it. Despite the haircut and current preference for indie rock and electronica, some vestiges still (and will probably always remain), but that’s just fine with me. Patagonia clothing? Check. Previous job in world music? Check. Weird hippie dance moves? Oh, you better believe it. Lest you get the impression of Ian/Ray from High Fidelity, here are my reasons without further ado:

5. The Random Factor. Mike is the friendliest ever. Years of camping out and chilling on festival show lawns have conditioned him to make friends with just about anyone in a bar. We can walk in, sit down, and it never fails. By the time we’ve been there for a half hour, we know everything about the person next to us from their childhood phobias to their laundry detergent preferences. Sometimes they’re a little crazy, so it’s like free live entertainment just for us.

4. Hardcore feminist/vegan ex-girlfriends make me look good. I’m not easy to live with, I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m moody, bossy and I need a lot of attention. But here are two things I’m not: 1. a picky eater 2. a big fan of chick rock. It seems to me most hippie chicks have pretty strict vegetarian/vegan diets that take extensive time/effort/expense to prepare. The also probably like to make these dishes while listening to Joni Mitchell or Ani DiFranco. Oh, did I mention that I like to make sweeping generalizations too? Sure, I like some female musicians (see Mirah in the sidebar), but only in strict moderation, and if it’s food and you put it in front of me, I’ll probably eat it. I don’t care what it is. These aren’t great attributes by any means, but hey maybe they make me seem low maintenance….maybe? Ok, I know this one’s a stretch but me not owning any Joni Mitchell probably makes Mike pretty happy at no effort on my part. And if I do feel the urge to bust out the Tori or Fiona once a year, it’s not going to really faze him.

3. Ex-Hippies are Pack Rats. Hippies may look down on earthly possessions, but from the camping gear to the thousands of bootleg tapes and CDs, Mike can’t say anything about my books or my shoes. He literally doesn’t have any room. We can both amass ridiculous collections in peace, with only a frustrated sigh at each other, fully aware that we’re both a part of the “too much damn crap in the house” problem.

2. He’ll never be a metrosexual. This is where dating the EX hippie is key. Mike’s a clean guy. He showers regularly and even steals my conditioner sometimes, but that’s as far as it goes. He has one bottle of hair product, some soap, toothpaste and deodorant. I love that when we go out of town, he just stuffs some extra boxers and a pair of socks into my bag and calls it a day. When he needs a trim, he breaks out the Wahl home cut and puts me to work. I never have push the bathroom door open in fear that I’ll find him exfoliating or using my pumice stone during a home pedicure sesh.

1. Ahh, the best for last. Shaving is optional. For me, that is (and I guess Mike too). Hippie ex girlfriends with hairy armpits have a hand in this one too. If I don’t shave my legs (or anywhere else) for a week, he really just doesn’t care. When I do, it’s like Christmas all over again. “Oooh, wow, you’re all smooth! You’re legs are sooooo soft!” It’s really nice. Instead of being all pissed because he feels like he’s entitled to have a lady with a magically hairless body, he’s appreciative of those days I take an extra few minutes in the shower with my Gilette. And as we all know from my days at the plant a little appreciation (and clean undies) go a long way.

A Late Valentine

2005-02-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

Here's a nice rock and or roll video, courtesy of band members that were all a part of one of the better shows I've seen in my life (despite being propositioned by the Stills' tour bus driver and ending up on stage eating cake out of Emily Haines' hands...it wasn't as dirty as it sounds *ahem, Jennie)

The Stills' Love and Death video, featuring the lovely Emily Haines from Metric and Broken Social Scene. Click to view. (Via All Things Christie)

Wisconsin Blows a Cheese Wad

2005-02-15T06:26:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends, just checking in....Matt and I were in Madison,Wisconsin yesterday so I could attend a workshop designed to teach me how to body slam angry pre-teens without knocking anyone's teeth out. Translation: handling kiddies with severe anger issues. Just wanted to let y'all in on a little secret: Masison, WI sucks. I was jazzed to visit , stay at a hotel on the "downtown" square, and be all bohemian in this little college enviornment. So such luck. It snowed/rained the whole time we were there and I somehow lost my love for college towns when I saw 18 year old girls wearing denim miniskirts and uggs, sans hosiery, in 30 degree shitty weather. Needless to say, we didn't blend in. At a lunch spot on the campus's main drag, the teen server acually called us sir and ma'am. My immediate thought: Do I really appear that uncool and middle aged?

Off to Atlanta tomorrow for a few days of warm and sun (I really hope). I am looking forward to this trip as I have only driven through Atlanta and been in the airport. Home, however, is the best....as I testify after sleeping in my own bed last night. Here are just a few reasons why:

-you can sleep/hang out in bed without worrying who fucked on the pastel comforter blanket that they never change in hotels.
-when you hear someone fucking in the apartment above you, you know who they are, as opposed to the people fucking in the next hotel room, who must be weird and having some sort of affair or kinky action.
-you can open your bedroom window and no one's worried that you might jump out

Top 5 Ways to Spread the News that You're Knocked Up

2005-02-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

Not that I am. But everyone around me seems to be having babies or talking about having them, and I seem to be dreaming about them, so I thought it would be funny to think of alternative ways of letting your partner know.

5. Visit baby websites on the computer and then "accidentally" leave the window open.
4. Ask your sig other to pick up a few books for you. Include "Hott Names for Your Baby" and other baby-related literature on the list.
3. Buy a bassinet and set it up in your bedroom. Include a doll for added effect.
2. When you're out at the bar and your sig other asks what you want to drink, say "I better just have a soda!" while rubbing your belly. This could also be an excellent way to break the news to friends.
1. Park in the "expectant mothers" spot at the grocery store. As your sig other starts to stop you and tell you you can't park there, give a sly wink and say, "Oh, but I can." I fully intend to use this one myself, but hopefully not for at least 5 years.

I am such a freakin' idiot

2005-02-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

Last week one of the secretaries at my work (not to be confused with my personal secretary...riiight) borrowed my digital camera to take pictures of her computer screen. Why she couldn't just take screen shots of what she needed, I'll never know. But anyway. I usually use rechargeable batteries (by the way, my grandma pronounces them bat-trees. just thought you'd like to know), but this lady put regular batteries in the camera when she saw mine were running low. I knew this, but I just let it slip my mind. This morning I had to photograph an engineering training session and by the time I was ready to go, my camera indicated my batteries were low. So of course I took them out of the camera and shoved them into my charger and plugged that shit in. Now, about two hours later I hear a loud pop and look over at the charger to see one of the batteries leaking acid all over the place. Then a second one blew. I think I have all of the acid cleaned out of the guts of the charger, but I'm kind of freaked out about using it again. I don't want to tell my boss because he'll think I'm completley mentally deficient, which might not be too far off from the truth. The acid all over my finger probably isn't going to help anything. Ay yi yi.

On a dumber note, last night I had a dream that Snoop Dogg was my brother and for some reason my crime-fighting partner and I had to kill him. So I busted a cap in Snoop's ass (and chest) and he came back as a Little Tykes car for kids. I'm seriously serious here. And in a Stephen King's Christine-like twist, his soul lived on in the plastic car and the car would go around killing people in the night. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I knew it was fake all along because the car didn't have hydraulics.

So despite all this I had some job interviews in Chicago (or surrounding suburbs) yesterday, and one of the places wants to hire me as an intern for a month and then take me on full time if they like me. It's a PR firm that's super cool and everyone who works there is very nice and fun, but I will have to take a significant paycut (scary seeing as how my cost of living will definitely go up) along with the risk that they'll boot my ass to the curb in a month or so if they don't like me. Choose my own adventure! What should I do, people?

Friday Five

2005-02-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

I thought I would beat Alison to the punch and come up with a Top five list this morning....
Here it is my top five reasons for hating Valentine's Day:

1. The jewelry all of the jewelers advertise is BUTT UGLY

2. Every guy that was an asshole all year round is expected to buy roses and candy for his annoying whining girlfriend, who complains if he doesn't spend a certain amount of money.

3. Everything is suddenly a Valentine's Day gift (example: I was getting some wine for a party tonight at Marsh and the sign said "Buy some wine for that special person for Valentine's Day." Seriously could I get Paul toilet paper and call it a gift?)

4. There is nothing to get a guy (if you wanted to get your bf or husband something)

5. And above all it's a lame holiday to make someone who isn't in a relationship feel bad about themselves for nothing!

What are your reasons for hating (or loving) Valentine's Day?

I Like Your Sleeves. They're really big.

2005-02-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

For anyone who even mildly enjoyed Napoleon Dynamite, this Napoleon Dynamite soundboard is flippin' sweet. Any movie that features a llama named Tina who eats ham casseroles is ok in my book.

So this site, Bag, Borrow or Steal has a novel concept. It's pretty much Netflix for purses. You join on a monthly basis and then borrow purses for a week or more. Then when you get sick of them, you exchange them for more. I don't think I'll be signing up because I'm still in the honeymoon phase with my green Michael Kors bag, but I do love thesepurses from Bells and Whistles.

Speaking of shopping (wish I could, but I'm totally broke), this may be my new favorite site: Treehugger. They feature an array of eco friendly but design conscious products in all sorts of price ranges to fit a ton of needs. I am in love with this chair.

I Never Thought I'd Say This...

2005-02-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

I actually wish that I could be miraculously older at work (like 35, with a stylish wardrobe, good figure and rep of being the coolest teacher around) and then return to my spry 24 years after 6pm. One thing I've quickly learned this year: As a 24 year old chick, I have little to no credibility an authority figure. The problem is not my lack of assertiveness or leadership, this I know. I have no problem telling people, including my peers and those older than me what to do. I have no problem firing 40 year old men. I have no problem (most of the time) disciplining and teaching children who are statistically the one of the most difficult populations to work with. People that know me know that I am fairly organized. Most of all, I really like my job, so I want to do well. My boss thinks I am doing a good job...so what's the problem?

Other women. Women who are older than I am. They think that I am just so cute and adorable but have no clue about the way the world "really" works. On a daily basis, one particular lady attributes any sort of minor bump in the road to the fact that I am not old enough to "get it" while she could run circles around me with all her experience. I'll be the first to admit that I am still learning. I love learning. I know I make mistakes at my job- everyone does. No one has died, gone to the hospital or seriously broken the rules under my watch. So what's with the older women hating on the bright young things? This frustrates me more than anything else. It's just one of those days when being myself just doesn't seem good enough, but there's not a damn thing I can do about my age (except tan like crazy without sunscreen?)

I'll save men in the workplace for another post--whole other animal.

Who's that (CRAZY) Lady?

2005-02-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

I have a question for all of you readers out there: what constitutes living somewhere? If you spend every night at a place; shower there; do your laundry there; have a key and come and go as you please; spend all your free time there; and refer to going to the place you supposedly live at as going to visit...WHERE do you actually live? WHERE should you being paying the bills at? And, an even more pressing question...who would do something like that? I'll tell you who: my brother's girlfriend Lisa, aka Crazy. Jennie can vouch for me on this one; one of the first stories she told Jennie was about the time she got busted for having concealed weapons. What were those weapons, you ask? Is it like at the airport where they consider a nail file to be a dangerous weapon? No. Crazy had brass knuckles and a knife! Keep in mind this is only 1/5 charges on her record. And yes, this fine young thing has a key to my house. Will I ever be in a decent living situation???!!!

Friday Five Hits the Dope Spot

2005-02-04T06:41:00.000-08:00

Since I essentially behave like an 83-year-old woman with osteoperosis, (this is not the same thing as having an "old soul") one of the greatest joys I get in life is reading the For Better or For Worse comic strips daily. It's funny! It's a soap opera! Really, it's neither. Well, this recent installment in the gripping tale of slutty eighth grader Becky and the older high school boy had me scratching my blue hair. I guess I'm just not down with the kids' jive talk these days.

Read it here.

"Hands On?" "Gig?" "Roadside?" What the hell are these kids talking about? Why can't they just use the timeless classic that everyone can enjoy and understand: "Becky? She a ho!" I'm not the only one who thinks Lynn Johnston, the comic's author is on "crack." (see here and here...ooh, you can even get a t-shirt at this one.)

This talk of "hangin' high" (I guess Becky's on drugs too. Maybe she'll crash through a window on angel dust like Helen Hunt in that old after-school special) got me thinking. I may not have ever been "roadside," but most of us have had our fair shares of "gigs" in our days. I may or may not have even "been there" once or twice. When you think about sex, and all the other various acts and people involved ("gigs" "players" "strumpets" etc.) there are innumerable hilarious and fitting slang terms to use.

Here are my Top 5 Terms for All Things Sexual
1. Knockin' boots
2. Taking the skin boat to tuna town (courtesey of Matt Hautman)
3. Boning
4. Getting your freak on
5. and of course...Hitting the dope spot.

What are some other classics? People who read this, comment just to say hi for the love of Pete! Make my Friday!

Back in the Saddle Again

2005-02-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

Ooooo, I have so much to share! First off, I am obsessed with Don Cheadle and his new movie, Hotel Rwanda. I am by no means a movie critic and pretty much enjoy most any movie I see, but this is amazing. Everyone that has chatted with me in the past week has heard my love for this film and I recommend you all go see this magnificent tribute to a hero who emerged from devestating circumstances. Most of us were in middle school when the genocide in Rwanda began and for me watching/reading the news was equivalent to cleaning the litter box, so this was pure enlightenment. Plus, Wyclef wrote the title track!

Going along with the movie, I have been pondering a significant line said by one of the UN Peacekeepers: "We are peacekeepers, not peacemakers". Now, I am going to get a little new age on y'all, but what do you think about this statement? Especially in a time where Pres. Bush is on a democracy tirade, seeking to bring "democratic freedom" to all corners of the earth, is America making peace in communist countries? Perhaps working at the Peace Learning Center has brought out my hippie side (drumming circle at the United States of Mind anyone?), but I hope I am actively making peace in my world.

Okay, lastly, I have some fabulous news! I am one step closer to moving to Denver as I have been accepted to their School of Social Work for the fall! Still keeping my fingers crossed for their law school......

Hawaiian Shirts are Lame

2005-02-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

There, I said it. Just had to get that off my chest. Almost as lame are pantyhose, which I am wearing today. They make me want to scratch at my legs until my fingers bleed. Today, instead of wearing some combo of usual black, gray and white, I actually have on color, and all the women in my office are making a big fuss about it. I don't like it. It makes me feel like a minature pony.

This has no bearing on anything, but I thought it was ruhl funny for some reason (via Pink is the New Blog) :

Now on to the Thursday Quiz. Since I'm still reading Trainspotting and really enjoying it (despite being totally grossed out at the part where Kelly gets back at the lecherous restaurant patrons by infecting their food with all sorts of bodily fluids...or the part where Matty gets toxoplasmosis (and thus dies from AIDS) from not cleaning out his cat's litter box for months....or when Spud gets, uh, all sorts of bodily fluids all over his girlfriend's parents' kitchen walls....come to think of it, this book is a little obessed with vomit, shit, etc). Annnnywaaay, it's good and I'm sure most everyone has seen the movie, heard the soundtrack and bought the t-shirt.

It's time to play:

(Click on image)

I am:

Oooh Sassy! That's better than being "action packed with common sense." Well, people do say I look underage, but I was hoping I'd be Sick Boy. Johnny Lee Miller is hot even if he was married to Angelina Jolie.

A Series of Fantastic Costumes

2005-02-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I took my little sister to see Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (take a look at the website; it's pretty damn cool). She wanted to see Are We There Yet?, but as much as I like Ice Cube, I didn't think I could sit though that "movie."

If not for the plot, which is quite entertaining for a kid's movie, I highly recommend Lemony Snicket for the top-notch visuals. The set design is incredible in a Tim Burtonesque way where location and time are secondary to atmosphere. What really got me were the costumes. They were over the top in a sort of demented Edwardian way, full of texture, washed out color and rows and rows of buttons and buckles. Oscar-winning costume designer Colleen Atwood (Chicago, Big Fish, Sleepy Hollow, Edward Scissorhands) is the best around in my opinion.

Take a look:

I covet this coat Violet (older girl, duh....like I want to wear baby clothes) is sporting:

Speaking of Tim Burton, I saw a trailer for the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I haven't been looking forward to a movie this much in forever. I've always thought Johnny Depp was a great actor, but I've never really fully been on board the "he's the hottest thing alive" love train. But after seeing the trailer, I have to admit he's damn sexy (does the man age? ever???). Maybe I should be a little worried that he does indeed resemble 'Vogue' edtrix Anna Wintour in costume (via Gawker):

Johnny:

Anna:

The Spaztic Sex

2005-02-02T17:14:00.000-08:00

I was watching an episode of Sex and the City last night and a thought occured to me....

Why are the women always considered the unstable spazzes in relationships? I couldn't stop thinking about how psychotic the characters on that show are. They are obsessive! (The show was addressing this through the relationship of Carrie and Big, but all the female characters are like that from what I've watched so far).

In my relationship with Matt, it's a well documented fact that I am the spaz and he is the pulled together one. Sometimes I actually feel guilty for taking up all the emotional "space" between the two of us. So tell me: are women programmed to be this way and men taught to restrain everything and let others have visible anxiety attacks? I already know the answer.

To Tell or Not To Tell

2005-02-02T17:05:00.000-08:00

Seeking Advice:

Picture this... a friend wants to tell a longtime crush that she is head over heels for him. The problem: he just got engaged. The fiance is not that great; apparently she pressured him into the engagement and he seems to be totally unexcited about it. So, said friend thinks that it is ok to confess her love because he does not seem to want to get married. She says that if he was happy about the nuptuals, she wouldn't say anything. He won't say that he does or does not want to get married, but he seems pretty uninterested. Other big hint: he didn't propose with a ring because he couldn't find one that was ON SALE.

The dilemma: tell him and face the possible and highly probable shit that will hit the fan, or live with the regret of never sharing your true feelings?

I can't decide. I'm leaning towards a lifetime of self-torture....because engagement is hopefully a pretty serious thing, ring or no ring.

I Dream of Babies

2005-02-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

Congratulations on all of your newborns, ladies. I had this really vivid dream last night that Jennie, Alison, Boots and I all had some babies...the rest of you lucky gals got off scot-free. Lately whenever I hear of someone getting all pregnant or see a movie about kids (we watched The Forgotten last night), I have some dream/nightmare that I'm either pregnant or have a baby. Last night's was particularly vivid, to the point where I woke up kind of afraid to take my birth control pill and harm the baby! I got over it. Anyway, the plot was, Shannon had gotten pregnant and was due this summer, but then Jennie, Alison, and I all gave birth within the span of a couple days and stole her thunder. None of us knew we were pregnant...so watch out. But we were pretty jazzed to all have babies the same age so they could play together. Mike, you were in the dream too, as a fine, attentive father...good work!

Friday Five...Taking a Little off the Top

2005-01-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

Last weekend when Mike and I were in Chicago looking for 'partments, I saw the best name for a barbershop ever: "Surgeon of Fades." Hell yes, I want to get all faded up with the utmost skill and precision possible, not by some shaky old man. If I were a guy, I'd be in that place lickety split. That's the thing I kind of enjoyed about Chicago, all of these haircutting places had simple, to-the point names like "UNISEX." I can get underneath those scissors. When you live in southern Indiana, you mostly get all these frosty lipped, permed women running hair salons out of their carports all Steel Magnolia's Truvy style (only the places are filled with stale cigarette smoke, there's always a shady tanning bed in the back and the woman who runs the place is nowhere as cute or charming as dolly parton). I mean seriously, do you really want any of the overbleached, prom updoed ladies above getting her mits on your head? What really gets me is the awful, awful names these salons are given in the name of "creativity" and "origniality." If I had a dollar for every time I've seen one of the following hair salon names while I drive through Desolation, Indiana, I'd be able to buy each and every one of you your very own Topsy Tail to spruce up your next Glamour Shot.

Top 5 Cliched and Annoying Hair Salon Names:
5. Shear Perfection (or any other variation thereof, ie: Shear Magic, Shear Delight, Shear Wizard....these all actually exist in Bloomington)
4. A Cut Above
3. Cut N' Dried
2. Mane Street Salon
1. The Cutting Edge

Actually, I could go on: The Cut Hut, Tangles, The Hair Affair, Close Cuts,Be Hair Now.
Though these are all so bad I just want to run into the salons and stab out my eyes with some dull scissors (who really uses the word shears anyway), one of the worst has to be when letters are altered for the sake of alliteration, such as Kim's Kutting Korner. For more on that, see this funny page. I didn't include alliteration-based names because because this affliction is most commony found in the world of child care (Kiddie Kare....hurl!).

Dessert Malfunction or Breast Snack Ever?

2005-01-27T13:15:00.001-08:00

Learn how to make Janet Jackson breast cupcakes, complete with nipple shield. (via Lindsayism)

Chut Up, Chiquita!

2005-01-27T10:09:00.000-08:00

I have serious nutritional issues, and I doubt I'll live to see 30 at the rate I'm going. Last night I was craving fruit, which my body probably really did want seeing as how I've been eating pretty much only pizza, beer and 100 Grand bars for the past few days. When you're like me and wake up about 20 minutes before you have to leave for work, breakfast doesn't seem to happen too often (which is sad because I've been a breakfast devotee most of my life). So then at lunch today I decided to answer my body's bidding and get.....a milkshake. I don't know what I was thinking, but there I was, driving to Steak N' Shake, rationalizing that a maraschino cherry counts as fruit. When I got there, I decided to do even better for myself and go ahead and go with the Banana Split Sippable Sundae. Bananas, strawberry topping and that chemical-coated cherry shall count as my fruit for the day (let's not lie here)...ok week probably. (It serves me right that as soon as I opened the lid, whipped cream, strawberry and ice cream oozed out of the cup and into my console and all over my sunglasses. Oh well; that's nothing compared to the McFlurry debacle of 2002.) I have poor decision making skills when it comes to food, and I don't foresee them getting any better. One day I'm going to have the fattest, most cavity-ridden kids because I'll give in to their every junk food whim since I secretly want to eat it too.

Here's how a typical dinner conversation will go:
FAT SON: Mooom, what's for dinner?
ME: How's cereal sound?
FAT DAUGHTER: No, I'm sick of cereal. That's all you ever feed us. Can't you, you know cook something for us.
ME: Sorry, don't know how. Besides, the oven's all full of mommy's shoes since she ran out of closet space.
FAT SON: How about we have Twinkie sushi?
ME: Sounds good. Call me when it's ready.

The sad part is, I really like fruit and I'll eat just about anything––healthy or not––someone puts in front of me (just not sauerkraut). I just hate to cook and I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store.

Sometimes I really worry that I'm going to get scurvy and die. Then I have a mimosa and it's all better.

By the way, I just checked and my underwear is on inside-out again.

This is so Dibble!

2005-01-27T08:48:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep after hacking my lungs out (little sinus infection up in me), I got to thinking about how I need to be a better blogger and actually post something from time to time. In my 4:30 a.m. delirium, I think I had some pretty good subject ideas, but of course they're gone now. So I present to you the resurrection of the Thursday Quiz and the revelation of my lamest interweb habit.

I've been reading Baby-Sitter's Club fan fiction! Aren't I wacky and zany, just like Jean Teasdale. It all started innocently, I swear. One bored afternoon I was reading through the publishing and multimedia forums on Fametracker, when I noticed Baby-Sitter's Club. Once I clicked, there was no going back, or should I put it, there was going back every damn day,

If you're a girl born in the 80s (if you're not, sorry bout you) you read this series of books about some Connecticut teens whose sad, little lives revolved around babysitting. I think there were approximately 596 books in all, and at the time they seemed so cool, but looking back they were just totally embarrassing (the sitters made up their own language: dibble=short for incredible; stale=lame; fresh=opposite of stale, and on and on) not to mention unrealistic. Seriously, what group of eighth-graders really gets to go to New York, Disney World, on a cruise etc. in one year?

At the time, I also thought the girls in the club were pretty cool, but looking back I was wrong, wrong, so wrong.
Dawn=psycho environmentalist beyatch
Claudia=wtf???? do you remember all those messed-up outfits she wore? and how she kept food all over her room? Grody to the max!
Stacey=I hate to be the one to say it, but she was kind of a slut.
Mary Anne=every book just had to mention how she was sooo sensitive to the sun and always wore a caftan. What the hell is a caftan?
Kristy=she's a man, baby!
Let's not forget the junior members, Mallory and Jessi. Mallory was a huge dork who spent her free time drawing mice and pretending she had some Australian boyfriend. And Jessi, well she didn't bother me as much as the books' constant reminder that, "Jessi is just like us. Except she's black....not that there's anything wrong with that."

Ugh, now I know why my mom always rolled her eyes when I'd beg for these books all the time. Not that I was any cooler than these girls. At least they were making scrilla babysitting. So, if you haven't guessed it, we're all finding out which Baby-Sitter's Club member we are.
Damn, I knew I'd be Mary Anne. "You are Mary Anne Spier! You're action-packed with common sense, and you're very precise and neat, but always willing to help people in need. You're trying hard to find your own niche after conforming to everyone else's ways for so long.".

Action-packed with common sense? Jesus.

Here take the quiz yourself.

Review

2005-01-27T07:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Ray LaMontange in concert in Louisville, KY. (Ali, that's why I missed your call. It was in this little bar/restaurant and it was a good show. Ray is this thin, bearded man with a very powerful voice. When he first starts to sing, it is not the voice you would expect to come out of his mouth. I was there with a co-worker, who has a major crush on him, so we spent some time after the show talking to him. He is painfully shy, but nice. I don't know if any of you have heard his music before, but you can listen to it on his website. The opener was David Berkeley and he was also enjoyable. I picked up one of his CD's and plan to listen to it today on my endless driving. Anyway, hope you are all having a great week, its almost over!

Uptown, Baby Baaaby

2005-01-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

So, Alison, I was nosing around on the "net" checking in on some Uptown web sites. I found a couple of good ones for history and whatnot. I thought you'd like to see...pretty interesting how they don't say much at all about the "decline" of Uptown post the golden movie age.

This site talks about the Jazz Age and the theaters.

This guy's site has a lot of info. about Uptown in general. He briefly chronicles the post- Jazz Age Uptown.

For all y'all that are interested, this is the neighborhood I live in. When Mike and Aly were up here looking for apartments, we were talking a bit about he history of this area. I

Friday Five....Take it or Leave it

2005-01-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

That's right, the Friday Five is back with a vengance. Actually it's back with an overwhelming stench of ambivalence. Let's talk about those things you just don't give a damn about. Not anything you love, not anything you hate *cough....Scott Stapp/Colin Farrell....cough* , just those things that seem to matter to at least some segment of the population, just not you.

Here goes:
1. Vitamins
2. Award shows (ie: Oscars, Grammys, Golden Globes et al)
3. Lindsay Lohan's real/fake boobs
4. The OC
5. Steroid scandals in sports

Try to pick out a few things that make you go "meh." It's harder than you think.

Shizzolate that shiznit

2005-01-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

I plugged this site into Snoop Dogg's Shizzolator, and hilarity ensued. Try it with any site, kids!

Jump On It!

2005-01-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

It's time for me to jump back on the posting horse. I'm back in Arizona now...I would post the 10 day weather forecast here, but I think that just might lead to me getting a lot of hate mail and threats. However, it is amazing. I laid out yesterday while I did some reading for class and then swam some laps. To quote my archnemesis, I'm lovin it. I just think to myself, ahhh...Jan. 20th and I'm wearing a tank top and sandals. Finally, a state that's warm enough for me. As someone who can't look at a picture of someone, human or animal, in a wintry setting without thinking how cold they must be, I've finally met my match. Seriously guys...move! Or at least come and visit (but go tanning first).

Jon and I moved yet again, this time into a house with my brother (and basically his girlfriend, although she doesn't claim to live here and thus gets out of bills). This is the first time since college that I've known I'd be living somewhere long enough to bother putting effort into decorating. So far I've painted my room (it's a fine 2-toned green look), and my brother and I are going to paint the kitchen a snazzy cranberry color. It's nice to have more space, especially space that's not filthy dirty from a certain ex-roommate. And the best part is a big ol bathtub for bubble baths...that's what I'm talking about. Although usually I tend to get too antsy to sit in a tub for very long, but oh well. Still fun.

Here's a topic for discussion I was thinking about...what do you guys think about the way things turned out in Sex and the City? I realize it was a loooong time ago, but I personally was not a fan of how things wrapped up. Carrie and Big? I don't buy it. I thought as you grow up, the point is to learn to cut people out of your life that don't treat you well, not end up with them. I realize that they have a special bond, he's been there for her, and blah blah blah, but still. Better as friends.

I'm Lazy

2005-01-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

And I don't really have anything to say. Since most of you out there aren't blessed with the Cat-a-Day calendar, (It's just sad the way my mother clearly loves me better than any of your mothers love you, isn't it?) I've decided to throw a couple of my favorite shots of the still-young year up here for your benefit. Yeah it's pretty pathetic, but I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I get sooo much joy from this desk calendar or that I've held onto these pages instead of throwing them in the trash, hmmmm....weeks ago? No, I know, it's that I took the energy to scan them and post them online.

Oh, and for those who wanted to see the new hair, here you go. Read the captions to sort of undersand the randomness (and sorry for all of the misspellings!)

On to the CATS:

I just like this one beacuse the orange cat looks so damn smarmy. I didn't know little animals could actually master skeevy facial expressions! Poor other cat getting all cathandled by that old sleazeball. If he were a person, he'd totally have a moustache (not to clown on my dad or anything; he's the anti smarm)

This one's just funny to me:

Silly! Everyone knows cats can't read!

Shoot

2005-01-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Basically, I don't have a good title, because this post is not really about anything in particular. But the other day I was at my fav store Target perusing the aisles with no time constraints, which is the best way at Target when I noticed a young teenage girl (you know that awkward middle school age) looking at the hair straightners. I was picking up some much needed hair rubber bands, which I seem to go though exceedingly fast. Anyway, the girl was looking very awkward and was obviously studying the hair straightners with great concentration. I then noticed her very beautiful and very made up mother come up and tell her to hurry up. Then the women said and I quote (because for some reason I was still picking out the hair rubber bands) "Why even spend money on one of these, you hair is always a little weird" The poor girl's face just fell. I tried to make eye contact with her, but it was hopeless, I wanted to beat that stupid mom!

So, I left Target with a sad feeling, which is no way to leave Target, but somehow even though I only came in there for 1 thing, I left with about 5....oh well, it happens.

Why is it when it is cold outside everyone complains about how cold it is? I mean today I was out walking the damn dog, like always and it was damn cold, but I really don't want to be reminded about how cold it is. I then went to the gym later and everyone was complaining that it was cold outside...DUH! I mean we are all cold, we all are pale, we all have dry skin and hair. Not too much we can do, except move....hmmmm that's an idea!

Oh and to post along with Ole Macky from 1.21 I have to mention that we recently purchased these chicken pot pies from Costco, thinking they would be a good meal, but I looked at the nutritional info on the side and Holy Shit, those things are terrible for you! These are the little ones and I think they have around 650 calories in one and over 50 grams of saturated fat. I refuse to eat one. If I am going to eat something bad for me, it will be something awesome, like cheesecake or double chocolate cake, not chicken pot pie for god's sake! They will be for Paul.

Crazy Ass Dreams

2005-01-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

What an embare-ass-ment!

2005-01-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

So I just went to the ladies room here at the office and realized that my underwear is on inside-out. Despite being taught how to dress myself more than 20 years ago, this sort of thing happens more often than it should. Ever since I was a little kid I've had a problem with putting things on backwards and inside out. My mom would have to show me how if you put a shirt with the tag facing up on a bed or any surface in front of you, the tag would magically end up on your back. Despite this widsom, my dressing problems didn't end there. I remember going to kindergarten one day only to discover I had put on not one, but two pairs of underwear.

Being a five-year-old and running around with both Wednesday and Thursday across my ass is one thing, but I feel sort of lame kicking it in my "grownup" office with my underwear on inside-out. At least I've never put on an thong backwards or anything. Ouch! Speaking of, this whole grownup thing has kind of amplified my embarassing moments, and since I'm in a confessional mood, you're going to get to hear about it.

Like for example, how mature did I feel when I actually threw up at work a while back because I was so hungover? I wrote about it in my journal then, but I was too ashamed to shout it out to the world for obvious reasons. Here goes:

Chundercats
Today is not going so hot and let me tell you why. Last night, Mike and I went to the Crazy Horse and met up with Paul (that's Steph's husband) to have a few cocktails. So I had an assortment of mixed drinks and beer. When we went home (ugh, I can barely stand to write this) I decided we all should have a glass of white wine. I don't even like white wine so I was obviously off the rails. What was fun, however were the many, many Oreos I decided to eat. Mike busted out his records and I made us watch the opening scene of Dawn of the Dead on mute while listening to Crosby, Stills and Nash. There's nothing quite like listening to 'Our House' while a little zombie child chews the hell out of some poor guy's neck. I also made us watch the opening scene of Harold and Maude where he pretends to hang himself (this is my favorite movie ever). Geez, I'm kind of a bossy drunk, huh? (ed's note: I promise never to mention this movie again on the blog)

ANYWAY, so I decide to go to bed, but soon realize I'm going to throw up...and I literally did toss my cookies...and some Cap'n Crunch I ate earlier in the night. Now this was all in the little bathroom trashcan that Mike brought over for me to use. He hung out and held my hair back for me, bless him. So this morning I woke up feeling kind of shitty but ok. So I took a shower and got ready for work. As I was leaving I decided to take the liner out of the trashcan and put it in the dumpster. Because who wants vomited up Oreos kickin' it in their house? Not me. Well, apparently the bag had a leak in the bottom and all of his liquid barf dripped out and onto AND INTO my shoe ( not fancy Manolos, but $80 Kenneth Coles are no small change to me)! It was so disgusting. I obviously had to change shoes so I wouldn't be walking around my office with a pukey smelling foot.

I didn't think things could get worse but they did once I got to the office. I decided the first thing I needed was a 7-Up and some bready item to calm my still-queasy stomach, so I got a bagel. About 1/2 hour after eating it, I started to feel awful. I got some water but I could barely drink it I was so shaky and ill. This time I made it to the bathroom before chorking up the bagel. I can't believe I threw up at work because of a hangover. Like in an office setting with file cabinets and Dad-type guys slurping their coffee right outside the bathroom area. I don't think anyone know, but god I feel like an idiot. On the brighter side, my stomach does feel better now.

I do have some questions for myself though:
1. How did I get so barf-inducingly drunk from a few drinks spread out over a few hours? I don't drink a ton, but I shouldn't have thrown up from that. Hmmm, maybe the mixing? Or not eating much for dinner?
2. Why am I still here at work after the bagel incident? Why didn't I go home and crawl under my covers and watch some Litetime movie with my kitties? Because I'm a crazy masochist, I guess.
3. Why did I decide to go to McDonald's for lunch after all that? That's right, I hit up the golden arches about an hour ago and seem to be doing ok (knock on wood). I've heard that if you want to help a hangover, eat eggs and greasy food. Denny's takes to long so this was my only option.

So yeah it's pretty embarassing, but totally my fault. As was the little phone disaster I had last week. I'm working on a freelance article and I have to talk to a few people at record labels. This guy from Sub Pop was really cool and actually got back to me and give me an interview. Well, my phone has been having a few problems lately where it will beep and just randomly disconnect right as I'm saying hello. So I called the office and got this guy's secretary and she was all, "Hello, Sub Pop." Right then a voicemail came through on my phone. When this happens my phone makes the same beeping noise as above, so I automatically thought the call had disconnected. I of course yell out, "Goddammit!" and look back down at the phone to see that the call is still going on. Of course I did the mature thing and hung up on her only to have to call back and sheepishly apologize and get on with the interview. Ahh, professionalism is overrated.

Tell me I'm not the only one who acts like a spaz!

Even Greater Expectations

2005-01-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would note that I am currently reading Great Expectations for my book club (we threw some classics in for good measure) and I am really liking it! I read in high school, probably with Shannon sitting next to me and I hated it. So, when I started it I thought I wouldn't like it, but surprisingly it is somewhat of a page-turner. Who knew? And if anyone wants any book suggestions I can put the list of books we are reading for 2005 for my book club up as a comment. Have a great Tuesday:)

Thanks!

2005-01-07T11:31:00.000-08:00

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of song ideas for my spot. Unfortunately, my boss didn't like the spot anyways so not even a great song could have convinced him. Oh well! I'll be sure to let you know if I need another song for something else. Btw, I am shooting my first spot in the end of Jan for Jack in the Box. I dont think most of you have Jack in the Box in your areas so ill have to post the spot or something once it's done sometime in Feb. Heehee. If you live near and IKEA you'll hear those radio spots and see the TV though.

Roll with it baby....

2005-01-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings kids! After a long hiatus from posting (but not from reading) this blog, one of my resolutions was to get back on here and start bloggin' like I've never blogged before. So here goes. Bear with me if I start off a little shaky.

Long hours at work means I have a little down time to do my favorite things, like IMDB my coworkers to see what shows they've worked on prior to our current one. I recently discovered that my boss was a dancer. Not only did she dance, but she was a featured dancer in the Steve Winwood music video, "Higher Love", with Chaka Khan...a name we could all say a few hundred times and NEVER get sick of. I think if I was selected to strut my stuff for dough behind the illustrious Stevie Winwood, I'd call my career quits, because it really doesn't get any better than that! Actually it does, as the boss was also a featured dancer in the 1984 breakdancing movie classic, Breakin', with Shabba Doo.

My memory of the "Higher Love" video is a little blurry, but I feel like there's an intense beam of light shining through a window backlighting Steve and Chaka, with dancers prancing around in the background with brightly lit unitards on. Am I wrong? Furthermore, it's near impossible to find a copy of the video, as everyone here in the office is DYING to see it. I put up a posting on Craigslist, and am hoping to find someone with a copy or website where I can find it. Any help from the folks at PTW would be much appreciated!

Help!

2005-01-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

I need a list of the best songs about Change, Evolution, Growing Up etc for a spot I'm writing that talks about how much you've changed. It's a sentimental, inspirational kind of thing...so no funny songs. Preferably songs by artists that aren't Led Zepplin, the Beatles etc or things that would cost a FORTUNE to buy the rights to. Im listening to something from the New Pornographers that i like right now...and Bowie's Changes is always good but hasnt it been in a commercial before? Does anyone remember? Anyways....if you can help that would be awesome. 1.21 boys...i need you too!!

2004 really WAS Jon Stewart's year

2005-01-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

Resident "dick" on CNN"S Crossfire, aka Tucker Carlson, has left the building. And he's taking the show with him too. CNN president Jonathan Klein sided with The Daily Show's Jon Stewart when he called the show out for being irritating, loud and partisan. Here's what he has to say about Stewart's assessment:

"I think he made a good point about the noise level of these types of shows, which does nothing to illuminate the issues of the day. Viewers need 'useful' information in a dangerous world and a bunch of guys screaming at each other simply doesn't accomplish that."

WORD.

Infuencing CNN programming, Jon? In little more than a decade since You Wrote it, You Watch it, you've come a long way, baby. Seriously, as goofy as it was,YWI,YWI had all of my favorite actors from The State (by the way, sign this petition to get the show on DVD so I can add it to the ever-growing Netflix queue. Aww, remember when MTV used to be fun to watch?

Until the DVD comes out (and it can with YOUR help! Operators are standing by!), I guess you can tide yourself over with $240 dollars worth of pudding. Aww, remember when Michael Ian black was funny? This, on the other hand, is hilarious.

A Window into Another World

2005-01-05T07:25:00.000-08:00

Well, my job has hit a new low! I have a client who lives at an address called 550 1/2 in Haughville and little innocent me thought it would be a duplex. But when I arrived at the address I walked all around the area and couldn't find 550 1/2 until I noticed it spray painted haphazardly above a window at the back of the house. I looked around to make sure no one was watching and knocked on the window. Someone inside then yelled come in. To which I answered, where? They opened the window and in I climbed! These shady characters live in the back half of a house where there is no door! I mean seriously isn't that a fire code violation or something? If it wouldn't leave my clients homeless I would report the landlord, this is not fit for people to be living. Hmmmm just something to ponder......

On another note, having a husband who is in grad school has its perks when he has the week off and you are at work. The dog is walked, the trash is taken out, dinner is cooked, he even made fudge for us last night! What a guy:)

Chex Your Head

2005-01-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest joys in my life is eating snacks, sad but true. It's just such a shame that one of the best salty snacks ever, Traditional Chex Mix, is marred by those damn pretzels. The white and rye bagel chips? Sublime. The wheat and corn Chex? Tasty and Tastier. Hell, I'll even eat those "fun-shaped" squiggle mini breadsticks. But I draw the line at those damn soggy pretzel windowpanes and circles...and can you guess what makes up the majority of the bag? The pretzels, of course. I refuse to eat them, so not only do I have to dodge around them while I'm trying to get to the good stuff, but I end up with an almost full bag of the pretzels and I feel cheated and dirty.

Now I'm no inventor, but how cool would it be if gas sations and convenience stores (the main source of all of my food purchases) had a mix your own Chex machine? It could be like all of those scoop your own candy things where you could add all the bagel chips and corn Chex you wanted but could completely give the cold shouder to those fucking disgusting pretzels. Hey, if it went well, they could even get a Bold N' Zesty machine too. What inveventions would just make your life so much awesome?

On a less Andy Rooneyish note, here are some cool links:

Want to learn how to make an iPod battery pack out of an Altoids tin?

Want to see female mugshots from the 1940s?

Maybe you need a laptop case that looks just like a pizza box. Personally, I'm partial to the White Castle Crave Case for all of my important professional documents.

Also, I just wanted to let you know my mom got me one of those tear-away kitty a day desk calendars for me for Xmas. And I love it!I have a kitty calendar, work in an office in southern Indiana, and my ass is probably spreading day by day from sitting in my tapestry flowered office chair. Somebody put me down when I show up with feathered bangs and start handing copies of this out as gifts.

We're A Jerk

2005-01-04T13:00:00.000-08:00

[Alison, I hope you didn't forget this, but in case you did, I'm posting it so we can all laugh one more time.]

Alison and I can be known, at times, for laughing and making fun of stuff that other people totally think of as bizarre and weird. (Testify: Mike, Steph, Matt anyone, anyone?) On New Year's Eve, Alison, Matt, and I stopped by a party that Stephanie's friend was having. We met an interesting guy, and 5 minutes after we started chatting, he looks and Alison and me, points a finger, and says, "She's a jerk." It was very clear that he was referring to both of us, which indicates that we have reached a new level of jerkdom: we now qualify as the "singular jerk."

We looked at each other, and Alison said, "That guy just told us that we're a jerk!" A new joke was born.

The next day, Matt told me, "You know, you two totally are a jerk. I'm glad someone else beside me said so."

So Boots, it's been great being a jerk with you for the past 12 (?) years. How about 12 more?

Top 5 Xmas Gifts

2005-01-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

Admit it-- everyone likes getting gifts. Some of these items I like because I just want them, and others hold sentimental value. However, the most special moments of my holiday season were spent gorging on food, sleeping into the afternoon, watching cable tv like it was my job, participating in my annual holiday stomach flu hell (which typically includes vomiting), and fighting with certian family members. I am getting better, though. This year I refrained from telling people that I hate them (except for Matt, who gets that every day). Oh yeah, seeing family and friends was pretty fun, too. wink!

"My Favorite Material Things - Christmas 2004"

5. Dukes of Hazzard - Season 1
I actually gave this to Matt for xmas, but I have to say that I am enjoying the antics of Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke. I actually found myself sniffling along to a very touching episode in which Daisy (in her dukes) tries to make it big in showbusiness. Isn't that every girl's dream, anyway?

4. Random items from the dollar store that my 10 year old brother, Shane, picked up for me. Batteries are actually nice to get for xmas...you never know when you'll need them.

3. Tres chic business card holder that comes from Uncle Sammy's ladyfriend, Susan Reidweg. All the materials are synthetic...I'm a big fan of that.

2. Bracelet from my dad- I guess I'm still very much a Daddy's girl.

1. Once again, a gift given to Matt- Seinfeld Seasons 1&2. So Happy.

Image Posting Tutorial

2005-01-03T08:12:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! No on seems to use images on the new blog! So, I made a little tutorial movie in quicktime about using www.Imageshack.us to post images on a blog for my friends at my advertising blog Bloggarogitive. Click on it and you'll be redirected to that blog and can click the link for the tutorial. It's about 5 MB so it may take a long time to load depending on your computer. It seemed like it was going to take forever on my windows machine but no time on my mac. Enjoy!

Holy Squirrel

2005-01-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

I have a good post for today, thanks to Jennie for keeping the blog alive during the holiday season. I have been in Vermont for awhile, so I haven't been able to post, but today something interesting actually happened.

Paul and I were sitting upstairs where our computer is this morning when we heard a loud bang. We both thought it was Max (my mischievous cat) knocking something over. So, Paul headed downstairs only to yell "Oh F*#k". I was still upstairs, but standing near the steps. He yelled, "Get Max, there is a squirrel in the house" and then he yelled, "Get something to help me" So I grabbed Max and ran upstairs and put him in our room and started to run back downstairs with a blanket. I have no idea how the blanket would have helped, but seriously I did not have much to choose from. I then saw the squirrel in our living room and panicked and ran back upstairs. Paul managed to get it our through our front door, Juno, our dog was hurling herself at the back door trying to get in.

Apparently, the squirrel had gotten in through our chimney and fallen into our house through the hole where the wood stove would have been. It landed on our lamp (and ruined the shade) and brought with it a ton of leaves and black dust from when the stove pipe was actually used! Basically it was a mess. We cleaned it up and called our landlord who lives in South Carolina and she is going to replace the shade and get someone here to fix the hole. Paul was able to fix it temporarily with some cardboard (real classy like).

Anyway, I know it may not sound exciting in writing, but it was pretty damn scary. I guess that's what I get for saying I was bored!

Best of 2004

2005-01-02T14:43:00.000-08:00

This is a nice list from PETA about the best companies of 2004 who are committed to animal welfare. It's a great list whether you're vegetarian or not. It's great to see some companies stepping up to end the animal cruelty that is so prevalent in our economies. Some kids in Boulder that I had met wrote a great book called "The Better World Handbook" (available on amazon im sure) that is dedicated to small things we can do as individuals to contribute to a better world. It wasn't written in '04 but the Proggy Awards reminded me of it. Here's to 2005 and a better world!

Just for the Macky

2005-01-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

I am now locked in the kitchen, procrastinating writing my personal statement for social work grad school. After writing the intro paragraph, one half page, I decided to reward myself by making some dinner.... should've been a six course meal, because now I am back to the computer, expecting the thoughts to flow like water. As of now, my thoughts are iced over. So, obviously, I decided to post a bit to get those creative juices flowing and because Mike is insulting us by comparing our fantastic blog to Byron's blog, aka, no post central.

Well, happy new year. Last night, I worked at Sully's. The eve was built up like a nail biting movie trailer, as most NYE's are, and then sunk worse than Gigli. But, I must say that the best part of NYE at Sully's is the balloons. Not only are they fun to suck the helium out of, it's hilarious when they pop and the shrapnel lands on people's tables or in their drinks. When this happens, I just laugh and say "Happy New Year!".

One last thought and then I will close this mundane post, I had a lady at my table ask me to help her with her ketchup. Literally the convo went like this:

Me: "How is your chow chow? Anything else I can get you?"

Her: "Fine, but can you help me with this ketchup? It won't come out of the bottle and surely you have some server trick that will make it come out."

Me: "Uh, they didn't cover this topic in server school, but I often find using a knife gets the flow going."

Her: "Well, here (hands me the bottle) make it come out."

Me: (Shaking the bottle) "It seems to be stuck. I guess you'll just have to do without ketchup."

Really? Really? People never cease to amaze me.....happy new year!

The Top Groovy Tunes from....ah, who the hell knows when?

2004-12-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

Hey yo/It’s about that time/To break forth the rhythm and the rhyme ( I may have used that intro to my Top 10 music picks last year, but no one can prove it because the old blog is gone forever! Haha!) I decided this year since you could read Top 10 lists from people who actually know what they’re talking about when it comes to objectively identifying 2004’s musical standouts, I’m only going to rank the albums I actually purchased this year. I wrote down all of my album purchases down in my little notebook, and it turns out I didn’t even buy enough to fill out a Top 10, but I came in pretty close at a solid 9. You see, my better half has invested all of his funds in CDs, that is he buys and downloads music at the rate bunnies reproduce, so I often find FREE! BURNED! CDs in my purse and don’t feel the need to add to the mammoth collection that’s probably growing as I type.

So without further ado, here are my “Just Fine Nine” albums for which I actually forked over the scrilla. Some of them rule, a few suck, and most of them aren’t even from this year. Of course, and yet again, the white boys are going home victorious.

9.Sea Ray, Stars at Noon
I saw this band open for Metric and The Stills (two albums I do own, but did not purchase…you see how this works?) last summer. They were electric and fantastic on stage, so off to the merch table I skipped to buy the album. I’ve listened to it about twice and don’t have any recollection of how it sounds. Mike says he hates it, and while we don’t always agree on music (ahem, Fiery Furnaces anyone?), I’m going to have to take his word on it since I’m not working with much here, so at 9 out of 9 it shall go. A lot of people I know (and I know about 15 people) think this is a great album, so take this with a grain of Sea Salt. BUT you should know Sea Ray has broken up, so they’ll never again be able to capture the glory of their live show that wrenched $8 from my withered claw.

8.Peanut Butter Wolf, My Vinyl Weighs a Ton (1999…gasp!)
I remember the day I picked this one up, a halcyon spring day when I purchased not one, not two, but three albums from the used CD racks at Tracks, giving us a third of this list’s entries; in retrospect a very important day, no? Well, I never got around to listening to this album because three Cds in one day is a little overwhelming to me. From all the stuff I can find on the Internet, though, it sounds like I might want to dust Ole Wolf off and give him a second chance. PBW is the alter ego of a California teen who began Djing at block parties and ended up collaborating with greats like Nas, Kool Keith and the Pharcyde. Allegedly, he’s one of the most talented and innovative stars of the underground rap scene. And to think this gem is just sitting on a shelf in my apartment. Add Music Reviews calls this album, “A modern hip-hop classic with great production, tonsa' turntable work, and a lineup of ill emcees. PBW's a genius.” Good enough for me. Maybe I’ll break this out when I get home tonight.

7.Spoon, Kill the Moonlight (2002; only two years behind the curve on this one)
Ugh, I can’t believe I actually linked to a Pitchfork review and worse even agreed with it. They gave this album a solid 8.9/10, citing its energy and use of silence and space, mixed with pure and driving rockin’ beats. It’s upbeat and pensive at the same time, a smiling album with a decidedly dark sneer. Kill the Moonlight has a strong throbbing pulse; it’s a full-bodied dance album with its heart crashing into bruised ribcages and soul dripping out of every lyric.

6.RJD2, Since We Last Spoke
Wooooo! It’s an album from this year! Since We Last Spoke is the much-anticipated follow up to 2002’s Dead Ringer. I’ve never heard Dead Ringer, but from what I can tell, Since We Last Spoke is this Midwestern (yeah, you read that right!) turntablist’s “rock” album response to his last more electronic-infused offering. While SWLS does indeed rock, bringing in equal parts hair metal, funk, indie rock, hip-hop and everything in between, electronica certainly still plays a major part in RJD2’s music. These songs would be perfect for 1970’s-themed cop shows, blaxploitation movies, or in some cases annoying British romcoms. While some of his sonic goals are a little lofty and overarching, I’ve got to give the guy credit for his energy and innovation.

5.Pinback, Blue Screen Life
You know what’s funny? I’m so slow at buying albums, Pinback just released a new one this year and I’m still just sinking my ears into this three-year-old CD I picked up on Sunday…and I think I like the new one better. Anyway, if you kinda sorta still like emo but you’re too damn old to be listening to The Get Up Kids and Jimmy Eat World (the resemblances here are uncanny), and you can’t stand hearing your favorite band sullied on the OC, Pinback is for you. Besides, wound up like a Rolex, they’re musically tighter than Pedro the Lion and waaay less emotionally vulnerable (read: whiny) than Death Cab For Cutie. Don’t get me wrong, I like all of the above-mentioned bands, I’m just not too proud of it. If you know what I’m talking about, and you’re not too busy writing in your journal about how your 8th grade girlfriend broke your heart, you might want to pick this one up. (Check out highlights "Concrete Seconds" and "Penelope")

4.Modest Mouse, Good News for People Who Love Bad News
Yeah, so if you haven’t heard of this album and kind of know what it’s about, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s going to be on everyone’s top 10 list, and shit, I even bought it in a reasonable amount of time. It’s good, and I’m still not sick of “Float On” yet. Sometimes I worry about Modest Mouse. Not only because Isaac Brock has issues, but because “Float On” was a happy, bouncy radio-friendly single to come from on of the most uncuddly bands in the mainstream right now (uh, death metal excluded I guess). The rest of MM’s music is brilliant, but it sounds nothing like the anomaly that is “Float On” and I can’t imagine it going over to well if it’s ever piped into a mall’s omnipresent speaker system. It’s not pretty shopping music, and GASP! People might start to think. I just hate to think of them being labeled as a one-hit wonder, when there’s so much substance behind their latest stylish incarnation.

3.Interpol, Turn on the Bright Lights
Again, not the new, much-lauded album, the old one. I finally bought Turn on the Bright Lights the same day as Peanut Butter Wolf and Spoon; a day that shall live in infamy. Pretty much I love everything about TOTBL. I adore “Untitled” so much I could listen to the song’s merry-go-round “ahhhhs” over and over for hours. I love the exhausted tribute “NYC.” And I can’t get enough of ~~Carlos D’s~~ Paul Banks' voice, which channels Joy Division’s Ian Curtis prefectly. From the first time I heard this album, I loved it, which is not normal for me. I usually have to listen to it a good three times before it can start to sink in. I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding their sophomore effort, Antics, even though I know it’s supposed to be wonderful.

2.Built to Spill, Keep it like a Secret
A definite pleaser from the freezer. I used to play songs from this album on my radio show my sophomore year in college. Somehow I never got around to buying it until a few weeks ago. It’s a solid, intelligent pop rock album not unlike Death Cab for Cutie with more edge and power. Yeah, so that’s all I can think to say about that. It’s a good, intensely listenable and likeable indie rock album. “Carry the Zero” is definitely my favorite song.

1.The Avalanches, Since I Left You
Mixology at its best, shaken and stirred into the perfect party cocktail, flowing smoothly from beginning to end with flavor to spare. Aside from an EP, this is the only album from Aussie turntable impresarios and musicians The Avalanches. This gang of six sample brilliantly and extensively from innumerable obscure and well-known archives of records, mix it with their own instrumentals and create a musical theme that floats throughout the album. Several of the songs sample Madonna’s “Holiday,” marking the first time she gave permission for her work to be used within another artist’s work. I had a bunch of these songs on my computer for years, but listening to this endlessly busy and invigorating album as a whole is a completely different and exciting experience.

For The Rest of Us

2004-12-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

Feeling like you just want to chuck that Christmas tree out the window and leave all the traditional holiday events in the dust? Well, folks, you can... People are actually celebrating Festivus...and you can, too!

You wanna piece of me?!

Shan's Survival Guide

2004-12-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

Ahhh...winter. The time of year when it's normal to wear 2 pairs of pants and a scarf covering my entire face as I walk through lovely, single digit temperature Chicago. I've been thinking of all the ways I have to adapt my life to make it through the winter (like without being upset that wearing 2 pairs of pants is uncomfortable, unflattering, and makes me walk funny). Here's a list of things I compliled in order to "Survive Winter."

1. The first sign the weather's changing: My skin starts to feel like its going to fall off. Hot showers no longer leave you feeling refreshed..just very dried out. Lotion is consumed by the gallon, which helps, but protecting my face is still a different story. I've tried a million different products, but I have to say that putting Vaseline on my face when I go out really helps cut down on the redness and dryness. Of, course, always wipe off before going to work meeting. Also, washing hands a lot during this cold and flu season can really do some damage. I recommend Hemp hand cream from the body shop. It stays on even after you wash your hands a few times. Smells earthy, too.
2. Next sign it is becoming winter: I'm at work and look out the window. I think,"Gee, how come nobody else mentioned that we've all been working until 9pm this week?" No. Now it gets pitch dark at 4:30. Deal with it! And, depending on the weather, it may be twilight-like outside for the entire day as well. Last time I checked, I didn't move to Alaska! Remedy: do not sit on your ass once you get home. Your body thinks its late and that you should be asleep. Go out and do something. Matt and I usually hit up the pool, run errands or jump around the apartment on pogo sticks. If you do sloth around all winter, like I did last year, that's exactly how you'll feel: like a sloth!

3. Protecting yourself against the winter elements can be a fashion challenge. Now, since I walk to work, I tend to dress for weather extremes. This does not mean cute clothing...more like utilitarian. Picture me as an LL Bean catalogue model and then you've got the picture. So, winter is really a high fashion season for me. Easy remedy: buy cute winter wear. Other than my standby red fleece vest, which will never die, I have tried to class things up a bit. I just purchased a cashmere sweater for maximum warmth without the layers, and I have to say that I am very happy with the results. Also, 70% off doesn't hurt. It takes some extra effort to hunt for warm but stylish wear, but it can be done. Anybody have any good clothing tips that keep you warm and jazzy?

All for now. Today is the first day of my xmas vacation so I am wrapping gifts and being merry.

DJ Fancy Feast on Decks!

2004-12-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

This is my cat, Harvey, spinning some tight grooves for Mike and me last weekend at Club Whiskazz (it's a hot new secret club located under the TV). As you might have guessed, he's most excellent at scratching. We busted out the old glow sticks, but it's kind of hard trying to dance to Iron and Wine. Now that he picked up the new Lindsay Lohan single, I hope his sets pick up a little. This weekend he'll be droppin' Hill's Science Diet at the Alley Cat and selling his new Meow Mixtape (yay! let's see how many cat food puns Iams can make!)

Peyton Who?

2004-12-15T18:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the responsibility of taking three that's right three of the juvenile delinquents that I work with to "Peyton Payback". This event for kids involved with St. Vincent. There were all sorts of activities for the kids; like Santa, face painting, games, pizza, free Colts gear, etc. While I was trying to keep track of my three kids and holding all of their stuff, I was hoping they didn't beat anyone up and steal anything. So about half way through Peyton Manning walks into the place and everyone sort of walks towards him. All of my three came running up to me and asked if they could go say hi and I said yes. He spoke to all of them, but was not giving autographs. Now, having sat next to him at a Pacer game I was prepared for how tall he was, but not for how "Indiana farm boy" he sounded!

He got up to the microphone after being introduced by a very small boy and said with some sort of twang..."I don't have much to say, this is about the kids, have fun" Wow inspiring. Then I got to thinking...if he didn't have this football talent and happen to be living in the US would he be famous? I think not. Maybe he is intelligent, but he sure didn't put forth any effort in his speech. I am not bashing him at all, because he gives a lot to people who are in need (each kid who was there gets a winter coat and a new pair of shoes!), but seriously it really makes me wonder if he didn't play football or we didn't worship professional athletes the way we do, when we heard the name Peyton Manning would we say "Peyton Who?"

Boooooo

2004-12-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

John and I were mildly excited to go see this film, er, movie last night. Although it had gotten terrible reviews my sister said that it was good. Boy was she wrong. This is by far Wes Anderson's worst film, if not one of the most hyped worst films of this year. It seemed like the movie was probably about 5 hours long to begin with and they just cut it down until it fit into a normal time frame for a movie, which gave it the choppiest, most pointless feel. The dialogue absolutely sucked. There was maybe one funny line in the whole movie and I'm only saying that because I'm searching for there to be one good line so I won't feel like I wasted $21.50 and about 4 hours getting to and seeing this movie at the Grove (the disneyland/vegas of malls). Benji from that band, er, punk rock boy band was there with an entouragelette looking very poser. I don't know if it has to do with neither of the Wilsons being part of the writing team of this movie or what but, I'll say it again. It really really sucked. In fact Luke Wilson wasn't even in it I now realize and he is probably one of the more funny actors in Anderson's bunch. See it if you must when it darkens the doorstep of a theater near you, but please, don't be like all the other hipster losers that were there last night and laugh just because you think you're supposed to at a Wes Anderson movie. Thats it for me.

Challah if you hear me

2004-12-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

You know, I just found out that snooping around Google using people's names you know is probably not the best idea. If I hadn't done that last week, I wouldn't know my ex-boyfriend is now in a Christian punk rock band. My Jewish ex-boyfriend. When we broke up, this was the guy who used to chalk it up to: "Practice on a Catholic, marry a Jew." Now he writes songs about the power of Christ in his life. Happy Hanukkah, indeed!

Office Party

2004-12-13T15:19:00.000-08:00

So, you all know that I'm starting my new job on wednesday. I went to the office holiday party on saturday and needless to say, it was interesting. I wrote it down because I don't want to forget it. Here it is:

The Christmas Party

The party is on Saturday night. It’s Tuesday. I’ve known about this party since before thanksgiving when I got that call of all calls asking me if I’d “like a job.” Yes, I’d like a job. I’d like a job very, very much.

“Send me your address.” He said. “I’ll send you an invitation to the Christmas party on December 11th.”

Of course I sent it. I wouldn’t want to be rude or flaky to the person who just answered all my prayers.

A few weeks passed from the time of that conversation to the Tuesday I decided to do something about the lack of invitation. I had been speaking with the managing director of the advertising agency about my formal offer letter and other such administrative business. He repeatedly voiced his enthusiasm to meet me on my first day of work, which was to be December 15th. As time went by and the invitation to said Christmas party failed to materialize in my junky mailbox, I decided that much against my will I would have to email someone at the agency about this matter. I didn’t want to email the creative director who had invited me in the first place because he is the boss. First of all, I’m sure that he is incredibly busy and that is why I never got the invite in the first place. Secondly, I care more about the impression I make on him and therefore preferred not to pester him about an invitation that he said he was going to send. It just felt like it would make me seem lame. So, since I had been having contact with the managing director I figured I’d brooch the subject with him.

Hi Patrick,
When I spoke with Dick on the phone before thanksgiving he had asked me to send him my address for an invitation to the
Christmas party on December 11. I haven't gotten an invitation and just wanted to make sure it was still going on. I didn't
want to be rude and not show up if I was supposed to! Can you tell me the details?

Cheers,
Leah

He sent an email back to me copying the girl that works at the front desk saying that she would give me the info and that it was in Malibu at 7:30 on Saturday. Elizabeth sent me an email later that day that confirmed the party was at the creative director’s house. It read:

Here’s the scoop:
The party starts at 7:30
Dick and Diane’s home
Malibu, CA
You can bring a guest
Cocktail attire
Food, drink and dancing
Approx. 200 staff, vendors and agency friends invited!

Looking forward to seeing you there...
Liz

Great, I thought. Problem solved. My mother and friends were happy, as I had been annoying them for advice on what to do in this situation of no invitation.

Saturday night my husband and I got dressed up and headed out to Malibu. It was foggy but not too cold. Perhaps that’s why it was so foggy: I suppose the temperature of the ocean was much colder than the temperature of the air and that clash created the fog. Down a windy little street the line of cars indicated: party. The valets looked like the Strokes and in their little untucked shirts and messy hair and valet get up I couldn’t tell if they were a Hives cover band or the people who would be parking my car for me.

Tall pillar candles in glass holders lined the drive leading to a table with a security guard. He asked my name and I gave it, knowing full well that I would probably not be on his list. And, I wasn’t. There was another couple standing to the side waiting to be let in and the security guard radioed to some woman to come. I assume she was the event planner. When she arrived, the guard told her the other woman’s name and mine, adding that I worked at Secret Weapon, which I had told him in my defense. Jesus, what do you think that I just trawl the back streets of Malibu looking for holiday office parties to attend? You never know. This is LA. The event planner waved us through and we proceeded down the driveway, past the port-o-potties, past the mint condition 66’ VW Microbus, and to the front door where another young gentleman told us to go through the house and back past the pool to the tent. And to watch our step on the red carpet as it was wet and dangerous to those wearing heels. Through the house, past the pool, past the coat check in the pool house into the gigantic red tent. The inside of the tent had so much furniture that it really seemed like a nice lounge or bar somewhere in LA. As every bar in LA is red according to my husband. I began to scan the room for someone I knew as you often do when you first enter a party and then I realized that I haven’t started the job at the agency for which this Christmas party was being held. Who was I scanning for? I didn’t know anyone. Except for Dick. I knew Dick. The creative director. The party host. The person whose party I felt like I was crashing. Of course my mission was to talk to him so that he knew I had made it to the party. I could have stressed about this situation half of the night if it hadn’t been for the fact that I ended up face to face with him as soon as I had gotten a drink at the bar. Perfect timing. It was incredibly dark in the tent as the only thing lighting it were a few chandeliers from the ceiling and candles on the tables. At first when I turned and realized that he was standing just a few feet away facing me I did that mental scan, like, “ok, that’s him right?” And just as I was about to affirm that assumption he sort of stepped forward and I said:
“Hi!”
“Hi!” he said. As people do at parties.
“How are you doing?” He asked.
“Good!” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“This is my husband John.” I introduced. They shook hands.
“Hi, Dick, nice to meet you.” He said.
My husband made small talk with him about the Microbus, as he is a huge VW enthusiast.
“So, I see you found the bar.” Dick said.
“Yep.” I replied.
“I don’t recognize those glasses.” He said. “Did you bring them from home?”
“Yeah.” I said. Holding up my tiny clutch purse. “I brought them in my bag.” Thinking to myself. “God, that wasn’t funny!”
“Where are you coming from tonight?” Dick said.
“West LA.” I replied.
“Where?” He said.
“West LA.” I repeated.
“That’s not too far.” He said.
“Nope.”
“So, do you know everyone?” he said.
“No, actually the only person I think I know is the girl that sits up front.” I said with that damn hint of a question in my voice that I get when I’m nervous. He didn’t say anything. I was hoping he would that that opportunity to introduce me to some people. The people I would be working with in a matter of days.
“So who all is here?” I prompted. Hoping that he would walk me over to a group of people from the agency or something and give me someone to mingle with.
“The agency is here. Radical Media is here. The crew is here.” He said.
“Oh, ok!” I said. Not really sure what to say.
Then he proceeded to tell us to enjoy ourselves and that there was a buffet, a sushi bar, two bars, and lots of places to sit etc.”
“Thanks.” My husband and I said.
Then we parted ways.
“God, I’m glad that’s over with.” I said. “I was dreading having to do that and it happened right away so that’s good.” “I felt like it was just as awkward for him as it was for me,” I said. “Did you get that impression?”
“Definitely.” My husband said. “I think he’s pretty drunk.”
“Really?” I said. I never can sense these things. Someone could throw up in front of me and I’d probably say, “Oh are you sick?” Which is funny because I’m no stranger to being out of control. I just don’t notice it in other people so well.
We stay at the party for an hour or two and then decided to head out. I glimpsed the front desk girl but she didn’t seem to recognize me and at that point I didn’t feel like going over to her and being like
“Hey! I’m the new girl at Secret Weapon. You don’t know me!”
So we just left.

The next afternoon I got an email.

Dear Leah,

There's always that one thing at a party that doesn't go as planned and this morning I realized what that was.

I am soooo sorry that I didn't get an invitation to you properly. And because I failed to put you on the invite list, when you
came to say hi I totally blanked. I thought you said your name was Sara. I feel like an idiot . . . Had I had a little clearer
head, I would have introduced you all-around. I blew it.

When Diane and I got married the one thing that went wrong was the cake was supposed to look like a chocolate basket of
flowers- it looked like a dirty Bird's nest.

See you on Wednesday.

Dick

So he didn’t know who I was. I definitely never said anything about my name being Sara. I never said anything about my name at all because I thought it was established that we already knew each other. I’m about to be his new employee for god’s sake. And furthermore, if he wasn’t sure what my name was or who I was I figured he would have asked me and then we could have avoided this whole ridiculous mess. Christ. I’m not the one that has to feel like an idiot on my first day of work though. I did what I should have done. He was the one that A) forgot to invite me to the party ‘properly’ and then B) didn’t know who I was when I spoke to him that night. I sent him back an email saying that it wasn’t a big deal and that I thought it was pretty funny. I mentioned that at my wedding that I forgot to have my best friends picked up at the hotel they were staying at until just the last minute. He emailed back:

Thanks, but I still feel like a jerk.

Dick

Good. Now I’m even more nervous for my first day.

Word of the Day

2004-12-13T13:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in awhile and was sitting here on my computer when I noticed on our handy word of the day calendar that the word was "wormhole". What is up with that? I mean seriously am I ever going to use that word in my daily life? The meaning is one of two things...one, the obvious one: a hole burrowed by a worm or two: a hypothetical structure of space-time envisioned as a long thin tunnel. If any of you have any good examples as to where you would actually use that word in REAL LIFE let me know! HAHAHA!

singlesville

2004-12-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

okay, i know that all of you ladies have been where i am right now: single. and, being the only single member of this blog (unless katie's stats have changed), i decided that it's time to bring you all back to the days before your husbands and life partners entered the picture. so here you have The Top Reasons Why It's Awesome to Be Single!

*i still get to check out hot guys, gush about how fabulous he is, develop a wee crush, and then, if feeling brave, slip him my digits.

*come holiday season, i just chill with my family: no need to scuttle from my family to his family, to his sister's family, to my dad's family......and i don't have to stress about who in his family gets a gift or get stuck paying for said gift.

*i am not dragged to sporting events, monster truck rallies, or annoying friend's house all in the name of being diplomatic and supporting my mate's interests.

*when doing laundry, i only wash my clothes....no nasty briefs or boxers mingling with my delicate undies.

*i cook just for me and i always like what's for din din.

*i get my bed all to myself.....except when my cat joins me.

*i know exactly what kind of peanut butter, bread, chips, and ice cream i like; so nothing goes wrong at the grocery.

*i always get the remote.

*if i feel like buying some extravagant gift for myself, i do, without thinking twice about whether or not this will throw us off budget or having to hide the receipt.

*i don't have to deal with his mother!

well, that was a nice trip down memory lane.....jealous yet? :)

Not that I would wear this or anything...

2004-12-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

But this is what Britney chose to sport to the Billboard Music Awards. I'm not going to say a thing about her date or her new pet rat, but that lace doily isn't doing a thing for her thighs or her stomach (baby? cheetos? who knows!). Now, most people know what flatters them and what's going to just draw huge! flashing! arrows to their problem areas. But remember back to the 2001 MTV Movie Awards? No, you've slept since then? Well, come with me, the Ghost of award shows past, and take a look at lil' Britney in an almost identical dress.

I was always taken with this dress because it's so damn short, not to mention sheer and completley unforgiving, and she rocked the hell out of it. Sigh, what havoc three years and a Federline can wreak on a girl's figure.